Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Stress and dealing with it

I know that everyone thinks that I have no stress in my life. Everyone thinks that I am in Texas and I don't work outside of the home so life is perfect. Please do not get me wrong- I know that I have it pretty good and that my life, in comparison to a lot of people's, is A-OK.
That being said I want to express the fact that I get stressed out too. I try not to show it. I try to hide it. I try not to dwell on it. Most of the time I am pretty good at all of the previously mentioned tactics. Most of the time. But most of the time is definitely not all of the time. *sigh*
In my starry-eyed youth I thought that my life as a twenty-something would consist of a family, a career, a home, and fantastic luck. Luck being when preparation meets opportunity, of course. I thought I would simply be superwoman and that, because I wanted it to be, everything would simply fall into place and be perfect.
Not once in all the time I spent daydreaming about my future did I consider the possibility that my husband and I would be 20K in debt for something that our insurance *should* have paid for. I paid our premiums every year before they were due and in full. I followed all of their rules. I had blind faith that because we were doing our part they would do their part. That is the way it works, right? Wrong.
Not once did I think that by the time I was 25 I would know what it was like to be a project coordinator and a construction manager, all without being paid to do it! Not once did I think I would owe money that could have paid for my child's education, and not because I got to go out and have fun spending it in the first place. I look at people in debt that spent it all on Gucci handbags and manicures and feel sick inside. We were responsible with our money and they weren't. We planned, we followed the rules, we didn't spend extravagantly or live above our means. Why u? Why did this have to happen to our family?
Not once did I think that I would know how the legal system works if you want to file a lawsuit against an insurance company. I feel so disheartened. I also know that just because you know something is not right doesn't mean that you will ever get justice. That is just a plain fact. Plenty of people get away with crimes and plenty of insurance companies get away with not paying for things because there are so many legal loopholes.

OK. Thanks for listening to my rant. I know that I have a ton to be thankful for. I have a happy, healthy, fantastic child. I have a husband who loves me unconditionally and who gives to his family selflessly. I have family and friends who love and support me and who would travel the world to rescue me if I need it. Our bills are paid, even if the credit cards are getting there more slowly than we would have liked. We don't deal with drug or alcohol addiction, mental or physical abuse, or crime in our daily lives. We don't have to worry about so many things, but likewise have to worry about things that 99.9% of people will NEVER have to deal with in their lives. All in all, I would rather be 20K, or even 100K in debt than have a horrible illness in the family or have us hurt or destitute. There are so many things that could make life worse for us. I definitely need to drop the attitude I have today and get back to my "glass is half full" mentality. This has been very cathartic.

1 comment:

  1. Friend, I love you. I know I am not the best at correspondence . . . but I am always here, and you are always in my heart.

    Hugs from me to you . . .