My Sweet, Darling Boy

My darling son, how on Earth do I explain to you how much your life is going to change in just a few short days? How do I prepare you for the biggest change you have ever had in your short life? We talk about the baby, we define certain things in the house as the baby's things, we talk about you becoming a big brother, but how much do you understand?

I know that we are giving you a wonderful gift, the gift of a sibling and a lifelong friend. I also know that we are taking you out of the spotlight, which you adore. Life is about changing and adapting though, and I know that you are really excellent at both, so my worries are few.

I sit here and reflect on what an amazing child you are and simply cannot believe that less than 2 years ago you were a newborn who mystified and terrified me. How did you go from goo-goos and ga-gas to running like the wind, talking up a storm, and being a caring little man? A few weeks ago you asked me if it hurt leaves when they fall off the trees! That amazed me! You are beyond polite, which makes me look good, but to tell you the truth that is just how you are. You are fantastic at pointing out your feelings and you get over things very easily. You are so laid back most of the time, which is strange because you are also as busy as can be! Most people cannot believe that you are not even 2 yet because you carry yourself so well and just act mature. You listen most of the time too, which is quite astonishing. I could go on and on about the things that you do every day that amaze me. I am so looking forward to watching you grow and blossom even more.

In a few short days you will go from being an only child to being a big brother. I know you will be great at your new role in life and that you will be a wonderful helper to your Mama. I love you more than words can ever express, with a love that you will only be able to understand when you become a father someday. It is endless and bottomless and can never founder. And you, my son, are amazing.

A Bittersweet Goodbye

Sometimes in life we take on more than we can handle. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we cannot make things work out. That is how I feel about Summer. She is a great dog in many ways; she loves babies and kids, she is friendly, and she is sweet. On the other hand, she is not 100% potty trained, gets into the garbage every chance she gets, and often does not come when I call her. But I tell you what, she loves her boy and her boy loves her. Larabee and I made the hard decision that she was out of chances after yesterday. She is simply not going to change and we were simply not going to deal with it anymore. The last thing I need is to get up in the middle of the night to a crying baby to find a surprise left by the dog. I guess it is especially difficult dealing with Summer's bad habits when we consider how good Sadie is. Sadie is annoying, has separation anxiety, whines a lot, but we can trust her just about as much as you can trust a dog. Summer never got to that point, and that is sad. She could be such a good dog if she made the choice to be, but we cannot make that choice for her. Because of that, we had to make the choice that was best for our family and our sanity. Summer will find another home and hopefully that one will work out for her. We will miss her.

Hagrid

One very large culture shock that we got when we came to Salt Lake City are the sheer volumes of homeless persons that call the streets of Salt Lake home. Nearly every street corner has someone holding a sign that proclaims the person to be "Homeless/Homeless Vet/Homeless Elderly Person" in need of "work/food/shelter/money", always followed up by "God Bless" or "Anything Helps". At one point I would have given every single person something; in San Antonio I gave one such woman a few bananas since I had just been to the grocery store, and man a few packs of fruit snacks that I happened to have in the car. I felt that if they want money they should find a job but food is something that is useful to everyone.
Fast forward to today. There are so many people on the streets of SLC that we have become numb to their begging. I often wonder if that particular person is really in need or if they have made a business out of begging, because (unfortunately) some have. I think about the fact that Larabee goes to a job every day that he does not particularly like to support his family the best he can and cannot justify giving away his hard-earned money to someone who may very well go home to a 3 bedroom house. I feel so jaded.
We do have one man who is at home on the Taco Bell lawn a few blocks away. We have dubbed him "Hagrid" because, well, he looks like Hagrid from Harry Potter. He is big, burly, hairy and wild-eyed. In the months that we have been here I have NEVER seen him begging or holding a sign. He walks back and forth between the Taco Bell and who knows where every day with all of his worldly possessions on his back. I wonder about him. Is he mentally unstable? Is he dealing with a drug or alcohol addiction? What was he like as a young child? Does he have any family? Is there anyone out there who knows his name and cares about him? For some reason he does not scare me, though I do not think I would approach him while pregnant or if I had children with me. I would like to see if he is 'all there' though, and see what happened in his life to lead him down this path. I guess my heart goes out to him because he makes his way in life without asking of others while others ask far too much when they are capable of so much more.
Every time I think about "Hagrid" I am thankful that, no matter what circumstances may fall upon me in my life, I will never be homeless. I know that I have family that would help me, and I also know that I am pretty self-reliant. I know I have been given the skills to keep me off of the streets. That is a pretty big thing if you think about it. I am thankful that Larabee is a good provider and that he does so selflessly. I am, in general, thankful.