Thursday, April 15, 2010

Parenting Class

Parenting is pretty much a trial and error process. We have hundreds upon hundreds of books, classes, television shows, and websites that can help us throughout the process. With all of that information we are either enlightened by a grand idea that will surly work for our child or completely and inexplicably confused beyond all dimension of reality. I know for me, it is usually that latter.

I know that there are parenting skills and styles that come with age, those that are fairly common sense, and those that you happen to stumble upon. There are, however, some things that you do not ever think you will have to learn in life, as a parent or otherwise.

Are you confused?

Do you think I am crazy?

Do you have no idea what I am talking about?

Well, let me give you a sample of the things I am talking about.

1. I never thought I would have to learn how to hold a 2 year old boy still while I used tweezers to get a small, round sticker out of his left nostril. WAY up inside of his left nostril.

2. I never thought I would need the skill to turn a slinky back into a slinky. 2 year old boys have an uncanny ability to turn a slinky into a twistyslinkeryknotteryroundishsortainaknotandIcannotfigureitout-y. Yeah, it is that fun. Especially when the boy is hovering so close that you do not know where you end and where he begins. No pressure Mama!

3. I never thought I would have long discussions regarding where poo goes. I never realized how the word poo can send a 2 year old boy into fits of giggles. Boys are, I swear, gross.

4. I never thought I would have to know how to continue nursing a baby while I take a 2 year old to the potty. That is a great skill to have, though one I would not attempt in public. Or private, unless absolutely necessary.

5. I never thought I would need to cross my legs to keep from peeing because my child just said the funniest thing I ever heard. The funny comment was emphasized by the fact that he said it with an entirely straight face, and was completely serious about it.

6. I never thought I would know how to function through an entire day on about 4 hours of sleep. Maybe I am not functioning, maybe I just 'am'. Food for thought. Very deep.

7. I never thought I would need to know how to be a matchbox car mechanic. Does anyone know where I can purchase a tiny little matchbox car garage, complete with all necessary micro-mini tools? I have a feeling that, with two boys, I might need to invest in one.

8. I never thought I would need to know how to wash dishes, usually a two-handed process, while holding a baby. Perhaps I should re-wash those dishes: surly I did not do an exemplary job. Oh well, we will just use them tonight and they will need washed again anyway.

9. Last, but not least, I never thought that my main goal at any time in my life would be to convince a 2 year old boy that pooping on the toilet would be the greatest gift he could ever give me. At this point, I would be fully willing to accept this gift as my Mother's Day gift. Please! I beg you!

Parenting is quite a journey, quite the learning experience, and quite the stressful endeavor.

Parenting is also a blessing, a joy, and the greatest purpose my life will ever have.

I cannot wait to learn more of those things I never thought I would have to know.


  1. I wish Blogger had a "like" button, cuz I LIKE this! :)

  2. Haha SO true.
    You know...Mason finds toots HILARIOUS. It must be a boy thing.
    I never thought I'd be uttering the words, "put your penis down" or "don't eat your fingernail clippings"
    Gotta love being a mom :)