A day in the life of Lisa

Twice the Fun!

2011-11-29T23:42:00.001-06:00

Who is a little trooper? Who has been excessively accident prone? Who is always up for a cuddle? Who doles out a multitude of faces, each of which is perfectly timed and suited to his current situation?

THIS GUY!

After a birthday dinner of….well, I don’t remember what I made in all honesty….Kaleb got to open one present. He only got to open one because his birthday PARTY is actually on the 4th of December rather than on the 21st of November. We decided to combine the boys’ parties again this year so there will be more pictures and fun to document that wondrous occasion.

Anyhow, Kaleb was thrilled to get the movies Bolt and Despicable Me. He did not even want to watch them or de-plastic-ifcate them. He just wanted to look at them and ‘read’ them and hold them. I am so glad that he was so happy!

In the last year of Kaleb’s life we have done so much, all the while seeming as if we have done so little. I think we got so accustomed to the faster paced life of Salt Lake that North Dakota seems incredibly dull. Nonetheless, we have had a great year and this little man has grown and blossomed into such a remarkable boy!

Kaleb,

You have been my little snuggle bug from day one. I adore that about you, especially since it makes me feel like you might be willing to stay my baby for just a bit longer. I will take the snuggles for all of eternity. Please do not ever get stingy with them. Even when you are 40, I want hugs from my baby! This year was a big year for you! Being one is full of milestones and hurdles, some that are fun and exciting and some that are harder to manage. One of the biggest milestones you hit this year was giving up breastfeeding. I know when you read this at 14 you will be repulsed and embarrassed, but lets face it: you were a hard-core booby baby! I never thought you would give it up without a fight, but we slowly cut out feedings and by the time you were 15 months old you moved on without much fuss.

I was so proud of you!

And I was also much more emotional than I ever expected! I missed our snuggle time and thought it would go the way of the 8 track player. What? You don’t know what an 8 track is? Well, sweetheart, neither do I. We will google it when you get older. Anyway, my fears were unwarranted and unfounded because the snuggles kept coming, thank GOD! Lord knows there are days that I need a good Kaleb snuggle.

Another milestone you hit this year was learning how to run. You finally decided you just HAD to keep up with the older kids and POOF! Away you went, like a rocket. Every time you ran your entire face would light up, as if you had discovered some fantastic and well-kept secret the rest of us were just dying for you to discover. You were, all of a sudden, completely in on that secret. You were in the club. You were adorable!

As the second child, or perhaps simply as yourself, you were a boy of few words for quite some time. You rarely complained, hardly ever cried, and were just plain content with watching the world unfold before your eyes. Oh buddy, how things have changed! You found your voice, realized you have opinions, and threw caution into the wind and began expressing yourself. This newly discovered and daily improving skill has given me laughter worthy of a world class comedian and the exasperation of a Mama who has an increasingly sassy little boy.

(In case you did not catch it, that sassy little boy is you Kaleb. Come on kid, keep up!)

You are sweet, charming, cuddly, cute, impulsive, careful, observant, action-packed, smart, sassy, silly, precious, brilliant, fabulous, fantastic, and ALL OURS!

Everything you are and everything you do is cherished by a great many. You are very well loved our son, and will always be as loved as you can stand to be. My heart desperately hopes you are as open to all of the love that presently surrounds and engulfs you for your entire life!

My darling son, may being two be twice as nice as being one!

Just do not hurt yourself twice as much now as you did when you were one. My nerves and your little noggin cannot handle it!

We love you darling, from now to eternity!

Love Mama, Daddy, and Kyle

"The Big One" craft show in Minot, ND

2011-11-13T00:19:00.000-06:00

This evening I just finished up 11 of my books and they are ready to send out to their (hopefully) adoring new owners. Today, while at my sister's house, I created a few hundred bookmarks that are now ready to laminate. I am gearing up for my next two shows and getting orders out from the last show. Then I remembered that my Mom told me she was disappointed that my last post did not go into more detail about The Big One last weekend. Ok Mom, here ya go.

In late September (I think) sometime I decided to give the people at The Big One a call to see if a) they still had any booths available and b) what it would take for me to get into this show because it is juried. For those of you who do not know, a juried show usually requires that you bring or send in examples of items that you create and sell. Those in charge of the show then scrutinize your items and decide among themselves if they wish for you to participate in their craft show. That made me so nervous, just thinking about people sitting together in a room picking apart my creations! Oi! In fact, I had considered applying for the show mid-summer, but decided against it because of the entry fee ($120) and the fact that it was juried. Well, I gave them a call anyway, last minute (in my opinion) and all. After speaking with the gentleman in charge I learned that they did, indeed, have a few spaces still available. He hesitantly asked what I make, fully expecting me to say "jewelry". If that would have been the case I would have been turned down because they had so many jewelers this year. When I explained to him that I make laminated magnetic bookmarks and laminated children's educational books he got very excited! I asked if I should bring in samples of my work and he said it was not necessary at all and mailed me an application that afternoon. When I filled out the application I did give them my etsy shop address, just in case they wanted to check it out.

Not a week after I sent in my application I got a letter back with my booth number, instructions, and information. My first thought was "woohoo!". My second thought was "what did I get myself into?!?!" I had been to two VERY small craft shows up until that point, and while I did fairly well I knew instantly that I did not have enough product to make it through this large craft show. I got to work immediately, making bookmarks like a crazy person. Life happened and about 2 weeks before the show I got terribly sick. Awful. Horrendous. I was so sick! I lost a week's worth of prep time and the kids got sick too. Blah!

After I came into the recovery phase of my sickness I got the idea that instead of my books being strictly made-to-order I would make a few ready to sell books with me. A few turned into 20, and 'just a few more bookmarks' turned into hundreds more bookmarks. I had bookmarks and books overtaking our itty bitty trailer! Well, they are pretty small, so maybe not overtaking. Still, it was a lot more product than I have ever had on hand.

When the first day of the show came I met my sister in Berthold (20 minutes from Minot) because she had graciously offered to take the boys overnight and deliver them back to me in Minot the next evening. How awesome is that?! After dropping the kiddos off I made it into town, ran a few last-minute errands, and got to the fairgrounds. When I saw how HUGE the building was I nearly ran away! There were so many booths and vendors it was insane! After a lot of huffing and puffing I got my stuff to my booth. After looking at the other vendors' booths I realized that I had very few things to haul around, and for that I was very thankful. 15 minutes later I was all set up and ready to do business. Things were slow at first; a lot of lookers, a few that asked me about the bookmarks, but no purchases. I was not too worried because a lot of people walk around and check everything out before they pull out their wallets. I did start to get worried when the lady next to me had gotten 5 or 6 sales and I was still at 0.

Things started picking up about 45 minutes after they started and they did not slow down the rest of the day! My friend and co-worker, Sasha, came by to allow me a potty break and to hang out for a bit. I loved spending that time with her and greatly appreciated the help. My friend Laura also came by to help for a bit. You will hear more about this wonderful woman in a future post. I feel so blessed to have friends who are willing to take the time to help me; you all mean the world to me!

Friday was hectic and crazy, but according to the other vendors Saturday was the big sales day. As things began winding down Friday evening I started looking over my inventory. I had sold 15 of the 20 books and probably 65-70% of the bookmarks I had taken with me. I had some more bookmarks ready to put the magnets on, so I sat down at every possible moment and put those together. The adhesive needs to cure overnight, so I knew they would be ready by morning. I finished up 80 bookmarks Friday evening and hoped it would be enough!

Ahh! I might have screamed a bit. But only just a little. Maybe.

I went home, slept, got up 20 minutes late, made it there, got set up on time, and prepared myself for another day. I cleaned up the bookmarks I had completed the prior evening and put them out on display. I tried to make may my now-sparse book table look more appealing, which never really worked. I processed some sale, took a few orders for books, and thanked God that my sister in law Ancela was kind enough to come in and spend nearly the entire day helping me! She is such a natural, honest saleswoman that I probably owe more than one sale to her! Thanks Ancela!

Saturday actually ended up being much slower than Friday. The news had predicted a snow storm on Saturday that was to bring between 3" and 6" of snow, so that may have been why. Or it might have been the beautiful weather and perfect blue skies. Darn those weathermen! One neat thing about Saturday was the fact that I had several repeat customers from the day before. Some wanted one more bookmark, some wanted a few more, and a great many brought their friends to check out the booth. Many of those friends made purchases as well. I love networking! And I love that the customers seemed happy with their purchases enough to encourage friends to purchase items from me as well.

I did make it through Saturday with inventory to spare, though I was worried until about noon. I made just over $500 too, which was nice. I am still in shock at how well I did. It fills me with great pride to know that I DID THAT! I MADE THOSE! I CREATED THAT PROCESS! I love my job!

After the show Ancela and I met up with Bobbie, Tom, and the boys at the Hibachi Grill for Chinese food, my treat. It was awesome! I went home Saturday night a very content woman with a head full of ideas on how to expand my business. I cannot wait to act on some of those ideas!

Underpaid Overtime

2011-11-10T23:12:00.000-06:00

This Mama has been working a lot of overtime the past few weeks. A part to 3/4 time to full time job, a small business, and two small children should be enough to keep anyone busy. Most of the time I can handle it without any problem. Sometimes I struggle, but who doesn't!? Throw in horrid sickness and a few craft shows and things get very interesting!

In the past month or so I have been preparing for The Big One craft show in Minot, ND. I had no idea what to expect except that it was supposed to be pretty busy and, obviously, the largest craft show I had ever done. OK, no problem. Piece of cake. Then it happened. I. Got. Sick. Gah!

Moms are not supposed to get sick. It is in the handbook. Underlined. And written in RED. It is contractual and from what I under...Wait! This just in! Moms are allowed to get sick after all. We just have to keep on doing what we do while we are sick. Oh. I guess I should read the fine print!

Anyhow, whatever unnamed illness (or illnesses) I ended up with it certainly took hold of my body with a vengeance. I, of course, helped it along by providing an exhausted body from lack of sleep. Apparently one should NOT see 3:00 a.m. quite so often as I do. I ended up all but laid out for 5 days with a 103 fever that would only ever go down to 101.5 with medicine. Once I started feeling better the boys started feeling like poo. Poor Kyle got sick, lost his voice like I did, and ended up with a rash that covered his whole body! He was out of school for a whole week and did not like that one bit. Kaleb never got it too bad but I think he is dealing with teething at the same time.

I tell you, it was rough when I was sick. It is downright devastating when our kids were sick. Every cough followed by a cry, indicating a terribly sore throat, broke my heart. Every time Kyle asked why he had spots all over him I just wanted to take them onto my own body so he would not have to be concerned anymore. Getting up every two hours with a crying, miserable child is not a hardship at all, even when I did not get to bed until 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning. Who cares if Mama only gets two or three hours of sleep? Not I. Who cares if Mama can get in to work to get paperwork done? Not I. Who cares if the craft show is looming? Not I. I just wanted to make them better. All I could offer was medicine to soothe the pain and lots of hugs and cuddles to ease their minds. They come first. Period.

Now that we are all well and the craft show is over I can see that it was really no big deal. The craft show was amazingly successful and I cannot wait to do another. I have a more well-rounded idea of what to expect at larger shows and I am currently in the process of formulating new products. I figure I am on a roll and I have gained a bit of momentum; now is NOT the time to slack off! I have to strike while the iron is hot! Bring on the late nights and the underpaid overtime! After the kids are taken care of and everything is as it should be I shall craft until my fingers fall off! I just hope that this time I do not let myself get sick. Perhaps I should start taking vitamins again..... :)

Busy Busy Life

2011-09-18T16:56:00.000-05:00

This is pretty much a boring post. I have been super busy with work and Purely Chic Designs and traveling and the kids. That is life and I love it!

I have been creating left and right for my business and I am really enjoying it. I have two shows coming up and I am very nervous! I want to have enough product on hand and I want to have things that appeal to everyone. I hope that the books go over well, especially since they are definitely more profitable than the bookmarks in overall dollar value.

Other than that I am just trying to stay on this crazy ride we call life :)

How to make him understand

2011-08-18T23:35:00.001-05:00

My lovely and wonderful friend Tiffany just gave birth to her second child, their sweet baby boy Kaden Douglas James Fuller. He is a child that was longed for, fought for, prayed for, and probably bargained with God for. At no time in his life will he ever be able to think for one second that he is not wanted or loved. I cannot wait to meet him and, though I was not able to be at the birth, was thrilled to be on speakerphone at the time of his birth and able to hear his first cries! Ah, what a glorious sound! I am so thrilled that they were able to add to their family, no doubt about it!

Start Rant:

Sitting here this evening I am, of course, haunted by baby fever. I have had baby fever for months and months. I desperately want another child and I feel our family is not complete. I am so thankful for our boys, they are my world. I am actually happy that they are both out of the baby stage because there is added freedom to having two children who can walk and talk. Kaleb, I feel, is in the beginning stages of wanting to potty train and I am thrilled. At the same time, I have always pictured my life with more children. Never did I ever, at any time, think that I would ‘only’ have two kids. I do not want to seem ungrateful at all, and I know I probably sound whiny and immature, but I do not care. We have talked about becoming involved in foster care when we move back to Idaho and I would still love to do that, but would we ever adopt any of those children? Would I be able to deal with the potential problems that could come from adopting a 2 year old who’s birth mother was a drug addict while pregnant with the child? Would I still feel and empty spot in my heart, the way I do now?

Larabee and I came to an agreement several months ago that if I could make $500 a month from home we could have another baby. I am into my third month of making well over $500 a month from home. When I brought it up with him I was shut down. He now says that the $500 a month has to be able to be sustained when we move back to Idaho. What?! That was never part of the deal! Sustainable, sure, but not “Unless you can count on it for 25 years it does not meet the requirements of our deal”. I feel like he threw down a challenge, I met (exceeded) the challenge, and then the deal was revoked. I feel as if he defaulted on our deal. He declared bankruptcy on our family’s future.

The economy is still in the crapper, there are very few jobs at home. Those that are available are seasonal to VERY seasonal. We both have good jobs here, we have the opportunity to stay here a few more years and build our savings significantly, and it just seems like the logical and practical thing to do. I know that we have been away from home for a long time and we both miss our house and North Idaho and our old lifestyle. I also know that he brought me to North Dakota and now I have a life here, Kyle is starting school here, my sister is having a baby, and I have very good friends. It was his decision to come here and I feel as if I did not have a say in that decision. Now, when decisions about the future need to be made, I feel as if I still have no say. I do not necessarily want to stay here but I certainly do not want to go home to poverty. I do not want to be ‘kid poor’, but I want one more child. Our children have nice clothes (almost exclusively purchased used, and Kaleb wears all of Kyle’s old clothes for the most part), they are well fed (home cooked meals, not take-out), and they are happy, healthy, and smart. I feel as if I am a pretty good mom and that Larabee is a pretty good Dad. I know he is not against more kids, just against the financial burden they can bring. Have I not proven that I am personally unwilling to spend more on the care of our children than is practical? Have I not struck out and gotten a job even though I have 2 children full time and a small business to run? Have I not shown that I am willing to go the extra mile to take care of what needs taken care of? How can such a big life decision be at his whim alone?

Why do I have to be such a whiner? Because it is something I want, something I am not going to un-want. I really doubt he or I would ever regret having another child once the child was here, but I know I would always regret NOT having another child. I really fear that I would eventually hold it against him in a very big way, even though I would try very hard not to. This is not a diamond ring I am talking about, this is not a fancy home, this is not a lavish vacation. I am taking about a living, breathing, loving reason for even being alive. It is not a passing desire, a fleeting wish that will blow in and out like the wind. Nope, it is here to stay. I certainly do not want to cause problems for us or our relationship, but in all honesty, his deal-breaking and backing out on something he agreed to without trepidation are causing problems of their own. The deal he made with me was agreed to under free will and I rose to the challenge, so sue me.

End Rant………………

I am having a very hard time with this…..

A Day at the Zoo

2011-06-08T22:29:00.001-05:00

Grandma and Grandpa came to North ~~Da-cold-a~~ Dakota for Auntie Ancela’s graduation, so on Monday the 16th of May we decided to take the kiddos to the zoo. Ancela’s friend needed a hand with her 3 kids, so we figured the more the merrier. Damian, Anna, and Mason joined us for the fun!

Here is a picture of Kyle and Damian in the penguin cut-out. Are they not adorable? Maybe I should have the boys dress as penguins for Halloween, complete with pants they cannot walk in. That would be funny. And short-lived. Hmmm. Maybe I will come up with something else.

Kaleb got a bit tired since he donated his stroller to Mason for the day. What a kind-hearted little boy! (As if he had anything to do with the decision….but just go with it!) Grandpa was kind enough to give him a lift. This photo would have been extra funny if Grandpa’s undies were showing too, but he tucks his shirt in. SOOOO sorry I could not give you more of a laugh. Maybe that is a good thing though.

Next was the mini-merry go round! This was a hit for the boys. Anna rode too but she lost interest after a round or two. Kyle, Kaleb, and Damian were thrilled with a capital thrilled!

All 4 kids! Yay!

We visited the leopards. If you look closely through the various layers of chain link fence you can see them snoozing in the background. Lazy kitties. For this picture I pulled out the big guns to try to get the kids to ALL smile at the same time. I YELLED “FART!” Yeah….Damian looks impressed, Kyle looks silly, Anna looks shocked and dismayed. Good job Lisa, sheesh!

So then we tried for making kitty sounds. Kyle won because he not only made the sound but he also acted it out. There was NO preferential treatment in deciding the winner in this case. In fact, there is no prize so it does not matter a snit. Oh yeah, and I took the picture, so I am the Judge and Jury on this one. Sorry kids!

Such a precious little lion. Entirely too precious. I must go kiss that face NOW! Except he is sleeping like an angel right now, completely the opposite of the little….um….not-so-angel he was acting like earlier today. I think I will mentally kiss him and call it good. Better to just let that cranky kitty sleep!

This one I WILL go kiss right now. He will not wake up. Well, he might. He will just tell me to leave him alone because he is trying to sleep, but when I tell him I love him he will reply with a sleepy, adorable, loveable, kissable “I love you too Mom”. These are the kinds of things that make life worth living. Like, totally!

And….because I am nice and because he is just funny and silly and precious even when he is being a not-so-angelic little boy, here is the silly precious lion. What a face!

Since December…..

2011-05-28T11:58:00.001-05:00

Slacker. Lazy bum. Stingy.

No, none of the above.

Lacking time is more like it!

My last post was in December….and it is almost June. This post will get you all caught up in a jiffy!

Since December…….

….we have survived the worst North Dakota winter since 1970. In our RV. With small children. I am sensing a round of “I will survive” coming on! In fact, maybe I should try out for Survivor! They would never pick me because I am too capable.

….February 10th Kaleb burned his little arm on the inside of the oven. It has healed marvelously but it was very hard to see him in pain.

….February 15th Kaleb tipped over in a kid’s chair at the library and bit *almost* all of the way through his tongue. The poor kid was just falling apart!

….we went home at the end of February to attend our mediation with Allstate. Things got settled, we were able to move forward with our lives, and we celebrated with Lobsterfest at Red Lobster!

….I did schoolwork. A lot of schoolwork. And many exams. And had lots of late nights paired with early mornings. “I will survive”?

….we made some good friends!

….Kyle learned how to swim all by himself!

….Kaleb learned how to run, and boy is he good at it!

….Kyle never stopped talking. Since December. Ever. Even in his sleep.

….Kaleb has not only learned how to talk but has become much more understandable.

….Larabee has worked and worked and worked. He even put in some 23 and 24 hour days, which is just plain crazy!

….I graduated from LCSC with my Bachelors in Business Administration with a Psychology minor!!! I graduated Magna Cum Laude with a 3.89 GPA. My Mom also graduated with the same degree, except she graduated Suma Cum Laude….the stinker! I am so proud of her!

….We went home for graduation and got to spend a fantastic week with Tara, Zack, Macie, and Ava! Tara and I needed that!

….On both trips home Grandma Agnes came up to see us! It is so nice to have such a great mother in law!

….Sasha had her baby! Braxton is such a little cutie!

….Tiffany found out she was pregnant! Well, maybe she found out in late December….I do not remember! But that does not matter because Kaden will be here in about 3 months!

….We had some drama. Said drama did not originate from us, but it engulfed our lives nonetheless. “I will survive”???

….~~Spring finally came~~…sort of. Maybe. I will just leave this one out for now.

….I began looking at Masters programs offered at U of I. And then I told myself I was crazy and finished my homework.

….I started making laminated magnetic bookmarks and selling them on etsy.com! So far it has gone pretty well, though I now have some more ideas in the works!

****Shameless plug: Here is the etsy address! http://www.etsy.com/shop/PurelyChicDesigns Check it out!

All in all we have been doing just fine. I promise to keep up on the blog posts from now on and not let 6 months go by without one!

And I will do some with pictures…but right now, I have 2 little boys to play with!

Oh, to be Three!

2010-12-28T00:04:00.000-06:00

Three years. That is approximately 1,095 days of being your Mama. Where has the time gone? Though three years may not seem like a very long time to some people, three years has been a lifetime for you. Three years ago I learned what it really meant to live, to love, and to give of myself completely. Three years ago I felt defeat as Dr. Woodall, bless his heart, confirmed that I would indeed be having you via c-section. Three years ago I felt terrified at the thought of a c-section, but much more terrified at the thought that something could happen to you if I did not put on my big-girl panties and head to the operating room. Three years ago, my heart ceased to reside in my chest and instead took up residence in all that is you.

Your young life has been atypical, especially compared to most children your age. You have lived in one house for nearly all of your life, but in several different states and cities. You may wake up in North Dakota, Utah, Texas, or Wyoming, but you almost always go to bed in the same room. Through all of the travels and the changes, you have thrived. You know that as long as you are with Mama and Daddy everything is fine, which is just as it should be.

You are determined, defiant, kind, pesky, loving, irritating, generous, loud, well-spoken, intelligent, inquisitive, a know-it-all, a wonderer, and a bit dangerous if left to your own devices (think….mascara and baby gas medicine….). You are all of the things that a preschooler should be.

You are NOT mean, unkind, angry, spiteful, or rude. You have a good heart and a kind soul. You are a joy, but you also know how to test one’s patience. You are so mature in some ways that it makes it hard to remember that you are still only three.

At this point in your life you LOVE your cars, you adore your brother, and you could spend all day every day swimming. You squabble with Kaleb here and there, but you are the first to rush to his aide if you think he is hurt or in trouble. This is especially funny if he is in trouble with Mama or Daddy (mostly because he is getting into the dog water dish); you tell me, with all the conviction you can muster, “Don’t tell MY brother NO” or “Leave my brother alone!” This is even funnier when Kaleb is not in trouble at all, but you want to make sure that he is protected. I hope and pray that you always carry that protective spirit, not only for your brother, but also for those who cannot stand up for themselves for whatever reason. It takes moxy to stand up for others, but in doing so you show that you are willing to step out of the bounds of comfort to come to the aide of another. That, my boy, is a fine quality and one to be proud of.

As much as it exhausts your Mama and Daddy to be riddled with billions (and yes, I really do mean billions) of questions every day, I absolutely LOVE that you really do want to know everything about everything. I adore that, even at three, you are not satisfied with simple answers meant for children your age. I am often frustrated with myself because I feel so unprepared for all of these questions; you expect me to have all of the answers! I am honored that you have that much confidence in me, but at the same time, I cannot wait until you are old enough to help me look up the answers. I pray you never loose that inner drive to know more, learn more, and be more.

Three years. 1,095 days and counting. An absolute lifetime. I can vaguely remember my life before you came into this world, back when I could sleep in as late as I wanted on a day off and never EVER had to clean up throw-up. Back when all I needed in order to go somewhere was my purse and a set of keys, and back when I spoke to grown-ups all day long. I will tell you a few secrets Kyle! First, while I love sleep and love sleeping IN even more, I do not miss a single moment of the snooze time I have missed out on since you were born. Second, throw-up is yucky and not fun at all, but I will do anything in my power to take away your hurts and sickies, puke cleanup included. Third, who needs to go somewhere at the drop of a hat? It is very overrated. Fourth, grown-ups are not as interesting as they are cracked up to be for the most part. The things you say and the silliness that is you is often more entertaining than a barrel of monkeys with ADD. Who needs grownups!? My life was made more complete when you were born and you fill my life with joy (and the occasional…ok, sometimes more than occasional…frustration) on a daily basis. I am so proud to be your Mama.

While watching you grow up gives me terrible pangs of sadness, I am also filled with great anticipation as I watch you growing and learning. I am very excited to see who you will become and know that we have a lot more wonderful memories to make along the way. I love you, dear sweet boy. I love you to the moon and back, which is a very long way.

A Whole Year of You

2010-12-04T02:31:00.002-06:00

Kaleb, you are now officially a one-year-old. I am so excited for you to grow and so sad that every day you are that much further away from being my baby. It is hard to believe I only really met you a year ago; I feel as if I have known you for the entirety of my existence. While I was pregnant with you you gave us a big scare, so on your birthday I was so happy to meet you I would not have given a snit if you had been green with four eyes. You are far from green with four eyes, my boy. You are indescribably pure and an undeniable miracle.

In the last year you have hit all of the milestones ‘they’ say you should, but you did them in your own time. That is one quality that I admire about you; you are not in a rush to grow up. I hope that never changes. I hope you really take the time to be a child. I pray that your Daddy and I provide you with the best childhood you could ask for as well.

While you are certainly a ‘good’ baby, you are becoming more confident and more of a troublemaker as you get older. You pull your brother’s hair and downright bully him whenever you can. You are not being mean, you are just a rough and tumble boy. That surprises me because you have always been laid-back and cuddly. I guess the more mobile you are the more you are going to test the waters of trouble. Just do me a favor- do not jump into the water entirely!

In your first year you have been quite a few places. You were born in Salt Lake, then we moved to Rawlins Wyoming. After that we went to Layton, UT, then on to Blanding, UT. Back up to Ogden, UT we went after that, and finally back to Salt Lake. When you were about 9 months old Daddy changed jobs and we came all the way to Ross, ND. Through all of our travels and all of our scenery changes, you have been a trooper. You rarely complain and are generally OK with anything. What an awesome quality!

You have been a booby-baby for all of your first year. You are currently in the process of giving it up and that makes me a bit sad. I never thought it would, but I love having that time with you, holding you, examining your soft face, touching your baby-fine hair (that, admittedly, there is not much of).

Now the mushy gushy stuff. Kaleb, you are an absolute treasure of a boy. You have made our family more wonderful and more fun than we could imagine. Your big brother adores you and would do anything for you. He even shares his hot chocolate with you willingly! You have Grandmas and Grandpas and Aunts and Uncles and Cousins and friends that think you are wonderful. You exude a light and a sense of joy wherever you go. You are so very uniquely you, and this Mama would not have it any other way. We love you Silly Bean. To the moon and back, which is a very long way.

10 Days

2010-11-11T15:03:00.001-06:00

Kaleb Joseph, did you know that in a mere 10 days we will be celebrating the fact that you came into this world and that God blessed us with your splendidness? When I say splendidness, you may think that I am being sarcastic, but believe me when I say that I am not being sarcastic. You are absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, splendid. True, you are starting to voice your opinions. True, they are not always our opinions. True, you are at a point where you do not have the words to express how you are feeling and more often than not voice your opinions with a screech. No matter; you are still simply splendid.

Thankful for the Small Stuff

2010-10-27T13:12:00.002-05:00

Today, as Kyle sat on the couch next to Daddy, Daddy reached over and tickled his back. After he was done, Kyle promptly told Daddy, "Thank you for the tickle Daddy." It is nice to see he can be thankful for the small stuff.

Looking Back

2010-10-08T03:45:00.004-05:00

It is amazing how one small decision can create a snowball effect that takes your life off of one path and onto another in a nanosecond. We often get so wrapped up in the big decisions that we forget that lives are probably changed more drastically by the small decisions. We forget that our past helped to shape our present, as well as our future.

Today I was able to reminisce a bit, my memories leading me down paths covered with dust and littered with cobwebs. Paths that I seldom walk anymore, not for lack of wanting, but instead for lack of time. When I do pull out the broom and dust off those paths I can see that they are well traveled. It becomes obvious that they are beaconing me to visit once more and are more than willing to embrace me while I am there. The further down the paths I travel the more hazy the memory, victims of time and space. Sweeter memories remain bright, as do more solemn memories. The memories that seem to escape me are the small ones, the ones that seemed so insignificant at the time and for months after their occurrence. At some point those memories jump out at me, begging to be seen, desperately wanting me to understand that they were, indeed, significant in their own way.

My walk down memory lane today was triggered by a chat with an old friend. An old friend who happens to be a boy. An old boyfriend. Well, actually, he is a young friend. He is younger than me, and the only person I ever dated that was younger than me. But, prior to holding the esteemed title of my boyfriend, we were simply friends. We belonged to a group that is now scattered in the wind, a group that once spent great deals of time together, and has since gone on with our respective lives. We keep in touch here and there, but not the way we probably should. But just enough to help us remember.

Through this conversation, via Facebook Chat, I felt a well-known tug in my stomach. This tug was not that of nerves or of anticipation, nor was it the tug of despair. No, instead it was the tug of the familiar. It was the physical reaction to a mental waterfall of memories, emotions, and feelings. It was laughing at a shared experience that, at the time, seemed like the most embarrassing thing in existence. It was a small smile creeping onto my face at the knowledge that I made an impact in his life just as much as he did in mine. It was marveling at how, after feeling that he has hated me for so long, I feel as if we are friends again in the truest sense of the word, if not necessarily the most active sense. It was understanding that it is perfectly alright to look back at your past and not regret a single thing, and honestly feel in your heart that you do not regret it. I pray that he knows no regrets and that he experiences the glorious freedom of living a life with no regret. I will concede that the tug I felt did have a few attachments to my heart, and it would be silly and a bit immature of me to deny that. I loved this person for several years with all of my being. I expected to build a life with this person, have children with this person, and grow old beside this person. Even after we went our separate ways, part of me hoped against hope that we would find our way back to each other and that the barriers to our relationship would suddenly fall. I do not believe that our hearts are at all capable of loving someone and then unloving someone in a lifetime. Instead, I feel that our hearts have boundless capacity for love and that we should savor every ounce of love we can give or receive. Our hearts remember what our minds choose to forget. While you may no longer be in love with someone does not mean that you are incapable of feeling some variation of love toward that person. Admitting this does not make you any less in love with your husband or wife. It only demonstrates the depth and breadth of the human heart.

I am thankful for my life. I am unworthy of my husband. I am entirely, utterly, madly beyond indebted to God for our children, as they are my soul and my meaning. I would not go back and change a single day of my life, a single moment, a single second, if that meant the possibility of altering my present. There are few things in this life that I know for certain, but that is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, one of them. I feel that with my whole being, leading me to believe in the validity of that feeling.

That being said, I am continually thankful for every experience, every person, every wrong turn or misstep, every left that should have been a right, every mistake and every success. I am thankful for those who were a part of my life, and who remain a part of my life if only in memory. I am thankful every time I reconnect with someone who knew me ‘then’, who knew me before I became who I am today, who helped me become who I am today, each in their own special way. Some days I want nothing more than the opportunity to sit down with my old group of friends and relive our shared past in a way that can only happen through togetherness. I envy those who never left home, who have the ability to relive the past on a daily basis. At the same time, I mourn them for the simple reason that I worry they will never fully appreciate what the past means to the present. I long for a coffee date, or a drive through the old neighborhood, or a siesta complete with a few beers, so long as old friends are included. I desire this not for impure reasons, not because I am unhappy, and not because I want to recreate something that no longer exists. I desire this so deeply because I have come to the point in my life that I wish only to dust off memory lane, remove the cobwebs in my mind, and remember how things used to be alongside those who lived it with me. Perhaps time will bring us back together for just such an event. One can only hope. Until then, I will try my best to remember how thankful I am, how much love I have given and received, and how much more I have to look forward to.

Overwhelmed

2010-09-09T15:31:00.002-05:00

I have not posted anything for a while, and with good reason. Even though I am a mere 3 weeks into the Fall semester, I am feeling more than just a bit overwhelmed on most days. I am finding that this is definately more difficult to handle with 2 kids instead of 1, with an infant AND a toddler instead of just a toddler. Kyle has given up naps and replaced them with frustration. Kaleb is just to the point where he is getting into everything. While Kaleb still takes one or two naps per day, I still have to take care of dishes and dinner and everyday chores. I find myself staying up until midnight or 1 o'clock just to get things done for school and then having less patience and energy the next day. I know I have to find the balance, I know I can do it, but this is the first time I have truly had to struggle with managing it all.

I will now pull on my big-girl panties and just suck it up.

How can admitting I am not superwoman make me feel so much better?

I do not know.

But it does.

Bugs on a Rug

2010-08-11T00:03:00.001-05:00

For the past few weeks Larabee has been working nights. It has really thrown off everyone’s schedule and it is just plain strange. Larabee is not built to work nights; he is a morning person to the core. Sleeping in until 11 or 12 is so against his nature that he almost does not know what to do. Kyle does not like saying goodbye to Daddy at the time of day we are usually saying hello to Daddy. My entire schedule is shifted since I am now cooking Larabee’s dinner when I should be doing the dishes, am doing the dishes when I should be making dinner, am eating my big meal at lunch, leaving me starving at 10 PM because I am not hungry when I should be eating dinner. Kaleb, well, he is just Kaleb. He is cool with anything.

One bright spot amidst all the chaos is the fact that I get real quality time with the boys in the evening. Since I am not obligated to make a big dinner and I already have the dishes done, I have ‘free time’. This evening I sat on the floor and read books to the boys Librarian Style- both boys sat in front of me and I held the book over my shoulder and read. I tried to hold it on my lap and read it upside down but Kaleb was too drawn to the pages and could not sit still for want of touching them. So over the shoulder it was. It was so heartwarming to see both of our boys sitting side by side on the floor, eagerly listening to the story and looking at the book with interest and awe. It was one of those moments that makes all the dirty diapers and timeouts and sleepless nights completely and utterly worth it.

After our story time Kyle and I played dog-pile on the floor, with a bit of tickling and laughter involved. Kaleb, who had happily been playing in the toy box- standing against it and pulling toys out left and right to be exact- decided that we were having so much fun that he needed to join us. Over he came, and on me he climbed. It was so much fun to just play with the boys. I love that Kaleb is big enough now to be involved and I am excited for all the fun times that are still to come.

Great-Grandma’s House

2010-08-08T10:42:00.001-05:00

I remember going to Grandma’s house when I was little. For me, Grandma’s house was home. Since we traveled all of the time with my Dad’s job, Grandma’s house became my grounding place. It was where I came from, it was where I always knew I would go back to. I could always count on the fact that Grandma’s house would be a constant in my world of change. Grandma’s house is to me what “Grandma’s House” should be.

A place where you are always accepted for who you are.

A place where you are loved without any strings attached.

A place where you are comfortable, no matter the situation.

A place where you are safe from the world.

A place where you hope your own children will experience the same acceptance, love, comfort, and safety.

I am very happy that our children have been able to know not only all of their Grandparents, but that they have also been blessed to be around MY Grandparents. These particular Great-Grandparents are young enough to be involved with their Great-Grandchildren yet old enough to know that feeding them chocolate for breakfast is not the end of the world. They spoil with little gifts, but most importantly, with endless and effortless love. They take great joy in the little things that the boys do and are able to simply relish in their company.

They worked hard to raise their own children, had a hand in raising me, and now are able to stand free of any and all parental-type duties and just enjoy.

No worries about the cost of diapers or baby food.

No late nights full of crying and sick babies.

No interrupted sleep.

No holding a child while the nurse administers shots.

No fretting over the billions of ways you can screw up a child, promising a future full of sarcasm and therapy.

No crying over the fact that, well, everyone else is crying so you might as well join in.

No counting to 10 simply to keep your cool because your toddler just spilled milk on the floor again. For the second time in an hour. The whole cup.

No worries over the ‘right’ form of discipline. Face it. By the time you are Great-Grandparents the child could burn the house down and you would just thrill in how much fun it looked like they were having in the process. “How cute!” “Isn’t that clever!?!”

NO POOPY DIAPERS!

Basically, they have been there and done that more times than I ever will and darn it they deserve a break.

They are more than happy to allow me all of the aforementioned worries and stresses. They know that I, like my parents before me and they before my parents, have to pay my dues.

I am fairly accepting of the ‘no rules’ rule at Grandma’s house.

Actually, I take that back.

I do have ONE rule at Grandma’s house.

Calories do not exist………

Love, Hugs, and Kisses Galore

2010-07-12T18:01:00.001-05:00

“Mommy?”

“What Kyle?'”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Kyle.”

Kyle and I have this conversation at least 15 times per day. He just likes to let me know how he feels. It sure is nice to hear.

He has also been excessively cuddly lately. In saying he is excessively cuddly, I mean excessively cuddly for him. Usually he is going 90 miles an hour every which way, so to see him take the time to sit down and snuggle is very sweet. He just wants to be with us, even though he is always with us. Silly boy.

Also, we have a nightly routine when he is going to bed. He climbs in bed after telling Daddy goodnight and Mama tucks him in. He gets his blanket and waits for his kisses.

Oh, the kisses.

It started out with a ‘real’ kiss, which is on the lips, and one on the forehead. Now he gets an Eskimo kiss, a ‘cat’ kiss (where we rub cheeks), a ‘real’ kiss, a kiss on each eye, and a forehead kiss. It is quite the production.

Apparently, this is no longer enough.

In the last week he has tried to slip in an ear kiss, a chin kiss, a hand kiss, and a hair kiss. You would think that this kid does not get enough kisses or something. It is something else.

I guess I should take all I can get before he turns 3 or 4 or 5 and no longer wants any kisses from Mommy because it is icky.

Oh, he had better never do that. I will simply not allow it.

New conversation to have 15 times per day:

“Kyle?”

“Will you always give your Mama kisses?”

“Ya!”

“Promise?”

“Ya!”

I am going to hold you to that Kiddo!

Happiness and Bliss, Wrapped in Cuteness

2010-07-12T17:34:00.001-05:00

Kaleb, you are such a blessing and a joy. You radiate happiness and turn even the gloomiest day into a wonderland. How can I even begin to express how you have made our family better than ever?

For a little guy you are a big thinker. I watch you taking in all of the goings-on around you and I can tell that you are focused on figuring out the how and why of it. It amazes me that you have the ability to really watch and learn at your young age.

Your personality is an absolute wonder. I think you are a lot like your Mama. That makes me happy because I feel that we will always have that connection, no matter what. You are surfer-dude laid back and most of the time you do not think anything is a big deal. Well, unless your meal is late- that, to you, is a big deal. You do not blow anything out of proportion. If you get upset you let us know and then you get over it. You are content 90% of the time and even in the 10% of time you are not, it still is not that bad.

You recently learned how to sit up. Actually, that is not true. You recently decided you wanted to sit up. You have been able to do it for a while, you simply did not want to. That is pretty much how you are. You do things in your own time. You cannot crawl just yet… or perhaps you just do not want to. You ‘seal’ crawl, which is very cute and it gets you from point A to point B. With this newfound mobility you are exploring the world around you in a whole new way. I imagine that you will be into everything sooner rather than later, so I am truly enjoying not having to tell you no every 5 minutes.

We cannot wait to see how you grow and learn and change, but part of me wants you to stay one bundle of happiness and bliss, wrapped in cuteness forever.

I made my own blog background!

2010-06-22T00:25:00.004-05:00

See the background that my blog is rocking?

I am proud to say that I designed it :)

It is my first, so there are still some kinks to work out, but otherwise, I love it!

Just had to share my new little fun, time-wasting hobby!

Father’s Day, 2010

2010-06-21T15:38:00.001-05:00

We had a pretty low-key Father’s Day. I got up early (8:15….hey, any time Kyle is still in bed it can still be considered EARLY) and made Larabee breakfast. He was treated to French Toast and Sausage Links.

I capitalize those because they were SO good.

They deserve to be capitalized.

Anyhow, after our yummy breakfast we headed out for adventure and fun.

First we drove down to Bluff to look at some petroglyphs. They were neat, but we are hard to please, so we did not hang out there for very long.

Next, we drove to Hovenweep National Monument. It was really neat. Basically, it was a grouping of ancient Pueblo ruins from about 700 years ago. There is a small canyon and these ruins are located in various places around the rim of the canyon. We only went to a few of them because Kyle was hot and Kaleb was ready for a nap. A nice couple volunteered to take a picture of all of us, and here is a rare look at…

Wait for it…..

Wait for it….

Our entire family!

Pay no attention to the horrid white shirt I am wearing… I would have dressed the part had I known I would actually be in one of the pictures rather than simply taking the pictures! After we went home so the kids could nap and we could ~~vegetate and eat dinner~~ regroup, we went out to the Butler Wash Ruins, which are cliff dwellings that are over 800 years old. It was a very pretty hike to get to the dwellings. Once we were there we were able to hike up and around the ruins, but not actually get close. If we did not have kids with us we could have done it, but there are simply some things that you cannot do with a 2 year old and a 7 month old.

Scaling vertical cliffs is one of them.

Sorry kids, we value your lives.

We did walk from the area where this picture was taken over to the star above the alcove. We walked to the right, across a natural bridge, under which was a massive cavern for water flow, and along the area where the small stars are. It was pretty high off the ground down into the canyon!

Kyle did not want to hold my hand.

Again, sorry Kyle, we value your life.

On the way home from Butler Wash Ruins we stopped at Little Cottonwood Canyon Recreation Area so that Daddy could gather some ‘prospect’ soil from the riverbed. There was not any flowing water, but in the large pools of the riverbed there were hundreds, if not thousands, of tadpoles. Kyle knew right away that they were baby frogs, which I was certainly impressed with. We even had to catch a couple of them so that Kyle could touch them. It was so cute!

All in all, we had a wonderful day. I was so happy to be able to spend the day with my fantastic husband. Kyle and Kaleb were thrilled to spend the day with Daddy too! Even if Larabee is ‘not into’ Father’s Day, we will still tell him how wonderful he is and how loved he is every year!

Happy Father’s Day Daddy! We love you!

Blanding Utah

2010-06-19T12:55:00.004-05:00

We have been in Blanding Utah for a couple of weeks now. It is a very small town, which is both good and bad. We are over an hour away from any cheap grocery stores, so groceries can get ridiculous here. Most places, grocery store included, are closed on Sundays, which can be irritating. There are, however, many things to go see.
The number one thing down here are the Pueblo Indian Cliff Dwellings. They are everywhere, and in varying condition. We have gone out to a few that are within about a half hour of the house. It is very neat to know that something created so very long ago (hundreds and hundreds of years) has survived the tests of time, weather, and nature in general. Seeing how these people lived has also given me a new appreciation for shoes, air conditioning, soft cotton clothes, and grocery stores. It is amazing how they made the most of where they were.

An old friend

2010-05-09T01:00:00.004-05:00

How do you express in words the feeling of seeing one of your oldest and dearest friends looking so poorly that you are overcome with shock? How do you muddle through the feelings of regret, sadness, fear, guilt, pain, and utter grief?

My (original) main man, Captain, is the same age as me: 25. That is getting up there in horse years. Most say that the life expectancy of a horse is between 20 and 30 years, so that puts this guy right in the thick of it.

To say the least, Cap did not winter very well. He lost a great deal of weight, which was not at all apparent until he began to shed his winter hair. If there is one thing this horse knows how to do, it is to grow hair. I swear he puffs up like a big brown marshmallow in the winter. His hair is so long that he is barely recognizable. Anyhow, once all of that hair began coming off it was obvious that he had lost more weight than he ever has in the past.

We took a weekend trip up to GV to visit the family a few weeks ago. Before we got there I had been warned that Cap did not look so good. I thought it was being blown out of proportion, but boy was I wrong. I had Kaleb with me when I went out to the field to see him. I got about 10 feet away from him and had to turn back. I was crying before I got out of the pasture. Old habits die hard: when I was graduating from high school the mere mention of selling this horse would start the water works, and I have never been overly emotional.

Reality hit.

I had a revelation.

My. Horse. Got. Old.

I was told long ago by our vet that he was so healthy that he could easily live into his 30's. I took that 'knowledge' for granted. I assumed that he would be around to teach our kids about horses. I assumed that he would never be anything but a stunning example of equine flesh. I guess that is what I got for assuming.

I set up an appointment to take him to the vet, an appointment that required me to drive back up to GV about 10 days later. I was taking him in to get his teeth floated. If you do not know what 'floating' a horses' teeth means, it is basically grinding them down with power tools. Horses, like rabbits, have teeth that never stop growing. Depending on how quickly they grow, how the horse eats, and the age of the horse, their teeth must be filed down to eliminate any sharp or overgrown edges. The purpose of this is to allow the teeth to properly grind the food, making the nutrients in the food available for absorption during the digestive process.

See how smart I just sounded. It is almost as if I intended to be a vet once upon a time or something.

Anyhow, his teeth did need floated. Fortunately for us, he still has all of his teeth and none are loose or rotted. That is excellent news, especially for his age. He is now on a super high calorie diet and will be until he gains back enough weight to be considered 'fat and sassy' again. He is definitely still sassy, but would only be considered fat in the world of high fashion super models.

I do not think that he minds getting a bucket full of grain and senior feed while all of the other horses salivated over the fence. I think that, in a cruel and twisted way, he rather enjoys their suffering. It is all part of being top dog.

I know for certain that this man of mine will be more maintenance than he ever has been, but that is fine by me. He was my best friend, my playmate, my babysitter, and my dream come true. He is the one horse I would trust around our kids and the one horse I am willing to exert the cost and effort of 'older horse maintenance' for. He was my world as a teenager. Nobody will ever convince me that a greater horse has ever existed.

Trigger does not hold a candle to my Captain.

Even from this angle.

How to keep a kid busy in the car

2010-05-06T17:09:00.002-05:00

We had a long car ride back from Idaho today. About an hour away from home Kyle started to get sort of antsy. I had to do something, but what?!?

I decided to have him tell me what color the trucks were that we were passing on the freeway. That was great.

Next I decided that I would tell him I saw a truck that was a certain color and see if he could find it. That was even better.

Finally I decided that I would pick a color and tell him he had to find one truck that was that specific color before he could 'find' another truck that was a different color. He loved it!

Red, white, and blue are fairly easy to find: I am pretty sure the bulk of trucks on the road are one of these three colors. Green was moderately difficult. Orange, black, purple, yellow, and all the other colors out there were definitely the most difficult. We looked for an orange truck for over 10 minutes. The amazing thing about that 10 minute time-span? Kyle never forgot what color of truck he was looking for. He amused himself by naming off the other colors of trucks going by, so I thought he had forgotten what color we were looking for. No! When I asked him if he remembered he quickly said, "Orange!" Yay Kyle!

After he got a bit bored with the colors of trucks I started asking him to find random things, such as tractors. He would look around and say "is that a tractor? Noooo! That is a ____(<-insert whatever object he was talking about here)." It was so cute to listen to that I turned the radio off completely. He is such a little smartie!

Rekindled hobby...

2010-04-21T00:42:00.003-05:00

So, Tiffany (Darn her) talked to me a bit about digiscrapping a few days ago. I told her that you could use GIMP, a free program, to do it.

"Yay" said Tiffany. "You can teach me."

*rolling on the floor laughing*

Considering the fact that I had not used the program to do much of anything in over a year I figured I should brush up on some stuff.

Well, all that did was reawaken my need to be creative.

Crap.

But here is what I did the other day. I tend to get too busy and make the pages too crowded, so I was trying for the opposite here.

What do you guys think?

This Boy of Ours

2010-04-19T00:48:00.004-05:00

When this boy was born I was so full of love for him I thought my heart would burst.

When this boy turned a year old, I thought there was no way I could love more than I did at that point.

When this boy became a big brother with so much grace and joy, I was certain I loved him as much as a mother could love.

When this boy showed me what a great big brother he was capable of being, I figured my heart was as full as it could get.

When this boy looks at me, talks to me, hugs me, snuggles with me, or tells me he loves me, I am simply a goner.

Today I think I will never be able to love him more than I do today.

And then I will wake up tomorrow.

And I will love him more than I did today.

I guess that is what I get for thinking.

You're Gonna Be

2010-04-19T00:32:00.002-05:00

Sometimes a song comes along that is a complete snapshot of your life, a song that simply had to be written specifically for you and the circumstances you are in. There are times that said song is not new, not trendy, and not one that you have heard lately. Sometimes you hear a song that you think is pretty or sweet, but it does not apply to your current situation so it is somewhat dismissed. I found one of those songs today.

Reba McEntire has a song called "You're Gonna Be", which is a heartfelt song from mother to her child, or even a father to his child. Having been blessed with the role of Mama twice now, I feel that this song says some of the things I want to be able to tell our boys. Songs can say things so much better than we can at times, and this is one of them. There is so much truth written in such a nice, neat package that I cannot help but love it. If you have never heard the song (which is beautiful by the way), here are the lyrics.

6 pounds and 9 ounces lookin' up at me
Like I have all the answers
I hope I have the ones you need
I've never really done this
Now I know what scared is.

Sometimes I'll protect you from everything that's wrong
Other times I'll let you just find out on your own
But that's when you'll be growin'
And the whole time I'll be knowin'

Chorus
You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
You're gonna cry, but know that that's okay
Sometimes life's not fair, but if you hang in there
You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You're gonna be

I'm afraid you'll have to suffer
Through some of my mistakes
Lord knows I'll be trying to give you what it takes
What it takes to know the difference
Between getting by and livin'

C

Just reading these lyrics makes me want to cuddle with my babies. This makes me want to kiss them all over their precious faces. It makes me want to be the best Mama those boys could ever ask for, which makes me feel as if I am falling short every day. I suppose the only thing I can do is wake up tomorrow and strive to do the best I can do again, over and over.

It also makes me want 5 more babies, but that is a post for another day!

Parenting Class

2010-04-15T17:25:00.003-05:00

Parenting is pretty much a trial and error process. We have hundreds upon hundreds of books, classes, television shows, and websites that can help us throughout the process. With all of that information we are either enlightened by a grand idea that will surly work for our child or completely and inexplicably confused beyond all dimension of reality. I know for me, it is usually that latter.

I know that there are parenting skills and styles that come with age, those that are fairly common sense, and those that you happen to stumble upon. There are, however, some things that you do not ever think you will have to learn in life, as a parent or otherwise.

Are you confused?

Do you think I am crazy?

Do you have no idea what I am talking about?

Well, let me give you a sample of the things I am talking about.

1. I never thought I would have to learn how to hold a 2 year old boy still while I used tweezers to get a small, round sticker out of his left nostril. WAY up inside of his left nostril.

2. I never thought I would need the skill to turn a slinky back into a slinky. 2 year old boys have an uncanny ability to turn a slinky into a twistyslinkeryknotteryroundishsortainaknotandIcannotfigureitout-y. Yeah, it is that fun. Especially when the boy is hovering so close that you do not know where you end and where he begins. No pressure Mama!

3. I never thought I would have long discussions regarding where poo goes. I never realized how the word poo can send a 2 year old boy into fits of giggles. Boys are, I swear, gross.

4. I never thought I would have to know how to continue nursing a baby while I take a 2 year old to the potty. That is a great skill to have, though one I would not attempt in public. Or private, unless absolutely necessary.

5. I never thought I would need to cross my legs to keep from peeing because my child just said the funniest thing I ever heard. The funny comment was emphasized by the fact that he said it with an entirely straight face, and was completely serious about it.

6. I never thought I would know how to function through an entire day on about 4 hours of sleep. Maybe I am not functioning, maybe I just 'am'. Food for thought. Very deep.

7. I never thought I would need to know how to be a matchbox car mechanic. Does anyone know where I can purchase a tiny little matchbox car garage, complete with all necessary micro-mini tools? I have a feeling that, with two boys, I might need to invest in one.

8. I never thought I would need to know how to wash dishes, usually a two-handed process, while holding a baby. Perhaps I should re-wash those dishes: surly I did not do an exemplary job. Oh well, we will just use them tonight and they will need washed again anyway.

9. Last, but not least, I never thought that my main goal at any time in my life would be to convince a 2 year old boy that pooping on the toilet would be the greatest gift he could ever give me. At this point, I would be fully willing to accept this gift as my Mother's Day gift. Please! I beg you!

Parenting is quite a journey, quite the learning experience, and quite the stressful endeavor.

Parenting is also a blessing, a joy, and the greatest purpose my life will ever have.

I cannot wait to learn more of those things I never thought I would have to know.

An Evening in the Park

2010-04-15T14:06:00.002-05:00

Last night Wayne, Tiffany, and Livie went to the park with us. We were going to feed the ducks and play at the playground, as well as to give Mama some much needed exercise.

Kyle walked, so Livie wanted to walk too! It was a riot to watch these two.

See this big gnarly tree? They were playing peek-a-boo around it for a little while, which was adorable and hilarious. I love watching my little man grow up and learn new things, even if I want him to do it a bit slower now and then. Now, at this point in time I feel that they were likely conspiring against the parental units. Sort of a "you go this way, I will go that way, we meet back here at 2300 hours to reconvene. Ready, break." Or something like that. They probably realized that the Moms had pulled out the cameras and were discussing the best way to avoid having pictures taken. The little turkeys.

Part of me cannot wait until Kaleb is big enough to run after his big brother, but the rest of me is screaming "NO!" Since Kyle started walking at 10 months, Kaleb could easily be an early walker as well. If he starts at 10 months, that means I only have 5 months left until I have two walkers.

I better go buy some good, comfortable running shoes.

Or leashes.

Spring!

2010-04-15T13:10:00.003-05:00

I love spring.

It makes me happy.

It makes my heart soar.

It makes me sunburned...but that is OK. It does not take much to make a freckly redhead sunburned. Spring is just wonderful, especially after you have wintered in Rawlins, Wyoming!

Spring Semester 2010

2010-04-07T12:46:00.002-05:00

Spring semester is slowly coming to an end. I have a list in front of me with all the assignments I have to do before the end of the semester. Every time I get to cross something off I feel a great sense of joy and relief.

I love school. I really do. I enjoy learning new things and the satisfaction of earning 100% on an assignment or an exam. I enjoy being busy because I am much more efficient when I have more to do. I love knowing that I am doing something useful with my time instead of just surfing the Internet, though I do a lot of that as well.

I am, however, tiring of the classes that I have. I feel an overwhelming sense of monotony this semester, which I did not feel last semester. Perhaps it is because I was distracted with preparations for a new baby, or perhaps I have cabin fever from a long winter in Wyoming. Whatever it is, I am ready to be done.

I plan on taking two classes this summer, so it is not as if I will have an entire summer to be wild and free. It will be nice to focus on one class at a time though.

One more year and I will be done. I am so ready, yet I am not ready at all. Why, oh why, must I be so contradictory?

Precious Moments

2010-04-07T12:44:00.002-05:00

Precious Moments

2010-04-07T12:38:00.001-05:00

The Best Day

2010-04-06T23:26:00.002-05:00

I just listened to Taylor Swift's song "The Best Day".

It will never be a number one hit.

It will never be revered as an artistically perfect contribution to the world of music.

It will never be a crossover hit.

But I can tell you what it will be.

It will always make her mother proud.

It will always make her mother feel special.

It will always make her mother feel loved.

It will always make this mother's eyes well up.

I just wish I had the artistic talent to let the people in my life know how deeply I love them and how important every moment with them has meant to me and my life.

Maybe I should work on honing that talent, however little it is.

Brothers

2010-04-06T22:49:00.004-05:00

This is why God makes Dads: I have been over to Wayne and Tiffany's house a lot and I never thought of putting my 4 month old on this rocking....butterfly. When we went over there for Easter, we were not there 5 minutes and Larabee not only had him on it, but he was rocking away.

What could be cuter?

Oh wait, I know!

BOTH of our boys rocking on the butterfly. Aww.

I am so glad that Tiffany had her camera close at hand, because this is simply precious!

I can only imagine what these two have in store for us in the future. I am sure there will be a ton of wonderful memories made, but I am POSITIVE there will be a ton of grey hairs earned as well.

Boys, Mama and Daddy love you very much. We always have and we always will. Even when you are in trouble, which I am hoping will not be a lot but am realistic in the fact that it will probably be quite a bit, we love you. Very much.

Easter 2010

2010-04-06T22:33:00.004-05:00

We were very happy to have friends to spend Easter with this year, especially since Tiffany graciously offered to do all of the cooking.

I did not let her do it all- I brought the green bean casserole. Mainly because I am a control freak, but also because I wanted to add a bunch of yummy mushrooms to it!

Kyle and Livie had a great time searching for eggs at our Easter egg hunt. I think the Dads...I mean, the Easter bunny, had a great time hiding the eggs.

Woohoo! I even considered hiding them all again just because I know how fun it was for the kids to find them. It was really funny for the parents to watch Livie walk right over the eggs. Tiffany says she is a 'little blonde', but I think she was just acting like she did not see them so that she could make us laugh. Good job Livie!

On Saturday morning we went to the Aerospace Museum because they were doing an egg hunt. Everyone was sectioned off into age groups, so that was nice. There were so many eggs that Kyle filled his basked without having to go far at all. Much better than last year, let me tell you.

Bounce Much?

2010-03-31T22:14:00.003-05:00

I set up Kyle's old bouncer for Kaleb the other day. As you can see, he loved it. The only problem is the fact that he is still too small for it. Even a phone book under his tootsies did not do the trick. He will grow into it soon enough though.
And that makes me sad.

The Frontier Prison

2010-03-15T23:47:00.003-05:00

Today I took the boys to the Wyoming Frontier Prison here in Rawlins. We bundled up with lots of layers. It was about 45 degrees outside, so it was bound to be colder inside of the stone prison. It was. Kyle thought it was great fun to try out the bed on cell block C.

And apparently solitary confinement was great fun as well.

I specifically told him that this is the ONLY time that he should ever be in a prison cell. Ever. I will kick your bum otherwise, you punk.

This dandy cell is 12'x12' and housed 3 men. That is more people in less of a space than we have in our RV. And we actually like each other. I bet that was a comfortable living situation.

This cell housed 2 inmates and was a whopping 8'x12'. This is how prisons today should be. No more pampered prisoners.

This was the 'sunny side' of the prison, the hot spot, the place to be. If you were incarcerated. I guess one has to strive for the best in any situation.

See this guy? Every time he got arrested he would give the local judge a different name so that he would not be labeled a habitual offender. The sole purpose of this was to make sure he only got the minimum sentence each time he was caught. His ruse worked until he was brought back to this prison for a second time and the warden knew who he was. Gotchas sucker!

This is quite the building. Very neat looking. Very big. Probably scary as heck at night.

Kyle thought it was pretty darn spiffy. Does he know what spiffy is? Would he use it he did. So many questions.

All in all, the tour was informative with quite a few great stories thrown in. If you ever happen to be in Rawlins Wyoming, check it out!

Hanna Wyoming

2010-03-15T23:28:00.004-05:00

One (rare) nice day in Wyoming we decided to check out Hanna. My fingers automatically want to type "Montana" after I write Hanna. They also want to spell it Hannah. Oh, the world in which we live.

Kyle got to test his skills on not one, but TWO playgrounds. He decided that we should hang out there for a while.

Kaleb approved. Just not with excitement.

It was really a fly by the seat of our pants sort of trip.

We checked out a cool old tank. Kyle wanted to drive it. It is all part of his plan to take over the world. Calm down kiddo! No tanks for your birthday until you are at least 7.

I have never, in my life, seen a contraption such as this. It is a gigantic snow blower for the railroad. I believe that if you need a gigantic snow blower to ride the rails over a stretch of land, the land ain't worth riding. There, I said it. I am unimpressed with snow. Admitting the problem is the first step.

Kaleb was dually unimpressed. This is his unimpressed look. And his "I farted" look. And his "my tongue is cool" look. Maybe I should not automatically assume that I know what this look means. OK, I am labeling his look to further my own unimpressed views. So sue me.

Daddy and Kyle decided to check out a ginormous drag line. Kyle was fully impressed.

Kaleb and I waited in the car because Mama did not feel like trekking through the mud. Eww. This was much more fun.

That big ol' thing makes Daddy and Kyle look itty bitty.

Whoa Mama. Larabee wanted to drive it, I am sure. Once an equipment man, always an equipment man.

The parts of a face

2010-02-26T16:46:00.004-06:00

A few minutes ago Kyle decided to name the parts of my face. (and yes, I know this picture is old- I did it on purpose!)

He pointed to and named off my cheek, ear, other ear, nose, chin, eye, hair, other eye, lips, mouth, and............................booger. Yes, my child pointed up my nose and said booger. It was so funny that we were both laughing our heads off. I had no idea that a booger was a body part. Now I know. I learn something from this boy every single day. At least he knows where boogers belong.

My Mama

2010-02-23T18:33:00.004-06:00

This is my Mama.
Technically she is our Mama (Mine, Bobbie's, and Levi's).
But hey, as the oldest, she was mine first. (so there)I do not think that I could have asked for a better Mom. We had our differences, but according to her it only lasted about a month and then I was "back to normal". Mom, maybe you were the one that was acting abnormally...ever think of that? Ok, ok, that is probably not the case, but I had to try. Anyhow, now we are great friends and I can talk to her about anything. We are even taking classes together through LCSC and....wait for it..... will actually both graduate with our Bachelors degrees on the same date. Strange how things work.
My Mom is proof to me that a teenage mother can be a good mother, even a great mother, and quite possibly a fantastic mother. I would say that my Mama ranks in the 'fantastic' category. I am not just saying that because I want something or because I need to kiss some booty. I truly believe it. After all, she raised me.

And I think that she is the best.

I have a tongue!

2010-02-18T22:39:00.005-06:00

Kaleb recently discovered that he has a tongue. He love to stick it out at us, and sometimes it is all he wants to do. It is pretty cute, though it does create a large amount of slobber. Gotta love that face :)

Oh, the things they say

2010-02-18T22:21:00.002-06:00

To the untrained eye, this is a guinea pig.

Guinea pigs are cute and fun.

I used to have a guinea pig. His name was Gizmo.

I miss Gizmo.

Anyhow, most of us have untrained eyes.

Children, however, call them as they see them.

Kyle enlightened us today.

We were mistaken: This is NOT, I repeat, NOT a guinea pig.

This is, in fact, a piggy mouse.

'Nuff said.

Comeeeere Sadie

2010-02-10T10:34:00.003-06:00

A boy and his dog. I do not believe that this is a relationship that can ever truly be replicated by any other relationship our there. Kyle really likes to take Sadie's toys and 'hide' them from her in his toy boxes. She can get to them. So then he puts them on the table or the counter. She cannot reach them there. Think about it- she is a weenie dog. That means she is vertically challenged. Please do not mention it to her because she is sensitive about it from time to time. We are trying to find her a good therapist.

See this look? This is the "what!?! I am not doing anything wrong" look. I get this look about 80 times a day, 75 of which he really is doing something wrong.

Now look at the little dog on the floor beside him. This is her "he has my toy again" look. I get this look about 50 times a day. She is always right.

I think he was telling her "no Sadie", but it could have also been "go away Sadie" or "stay down Sadie". He likes to pretend that he is her boss. She likes to let him pretend that he is her boss.

Ah, who am I kidding? Sadie has no boss.

Now we get down to the mad chase around the trailer. Kyle says "Comeeeeere Sadie. Come on Sadie. Comeeeeeere Sadie" and then he runs. The only reason Sadie actually follows him is because he has her toy. Again.

They run until Kyle needs a break. Kyle watches a commercial. Sadie watches her toy. And then they go again.

This happens morning, noon, and night. I think Sadie puts up with him because he plays with her, and I think Kyle just likes to torture her. Poor thing.

I miss my sister

2010-02-05T23:35:00.002-06:00

If you know where to find this person, please let me know. I miss her dearly and pray that she is found again soon. Or, that she at least finds herself again soon. We love you Bobbie. Do not ever forget that.

Kaleb's first time 'outside'

2010-02-05T23:32:00.002-06:00

A few days ago we had a nice day in Wyoming.
Amazingly, they do exist.
The wind was NOT, I repeat, NOT blowing.
It was about 45 degrees.
It felt like 70 degrees without the wind.
Kaleb liked being outside, except for the exceedingly bright sun.
I told him to man up and get used to it.
Then he gave me this look, which I took to mean "whatever".
What a character.

A boy and his dumptruck

2010-02-05T23:28:00.002-06:00

When you have boys toys are simple.
Things you can put dirt in, pick dirt up with, move dirt with, and push around at a high rate of speed. Yep, just wait until he wants things with motors.
Oh yeah, I have TWO boys.
Heaven help me.
(I guess I had motorized things once upon a time too...)

It is a Brother Thing

2010-02-05T23:25:00.004-06:00

They think they are pretty cool.

In fact, you cannot tell them otherwise.

I can foresee many bouts of brotherly mischief in my future.

Oy.

Whatcha Gonna Do With A 2 Month Old?

2010-01-22T14:23:00.003-06:00

Why, make him smile of course! And coo and goo. There is even an occasional aaaagoooo. I am loving it! (He DOES love his Daddy, very very much!)

But he is sorta fond of Mama too.

Especially after he eats. Smiles are rampant at that point. Unless he is asleep. Even then though...smiles often bubble out.

It has been a great 2 months and we are very much looking forward to learning more and more about his personality. We love you Kaleb!

Adventures in the kitchen..um..livingroom..um

2010-01-22T14:08:00.002-06:00

Last week Kyle and I made some Rice Krispy Treats. I figured it was high time that boy learned how to cook.

I think he enjoyed himself. I know he enjoyed the fruits of his labors. Perhaps a bit more than he should have.....

What can I say; he made them, he can do what he wants with them :)

2010-01-22T14:04:00.000-06:00

This is a brachiosaurus. Or, according to Kyle, a brocolliosaurus. I love that boy!

Realistic New Years Resolutions

2010-01-05T18:28:00.002-06:00

I looked back at my resolutions from last year and laughed. I believe I was FAR too specific and unrealistic. So this year I have a different approach. Call me crazy, but these are my resolutions.

1. I will lose 5 pounds. Once I have lost 5 pounds I will reevaluate and likely resolve to lose another 5 pounds. Or I might get excited that I reached my goal, celebrate by baking a cake, gain back the 5 pounds lost, and vow again to lose 5 pounds. Either way, I will lose 5 pounds.

2. I will exclusively breastfeed Kaleb until he is 3 months old. This one is fairly safe because he is almost 7 weeks old now and we are on track to succeed. On the other hand, the Dr might want me to supplement if he is not gaining enough weight, but that is beyond my control and therefore would nix this resolution through no fault of my own. At 3 months I will reevaluate our situation and whether or not EBF is working for us and either run screaming for the hills (leaving Larabee no choice but to give him formula) or I will resolve to EBF until he starts getting teeth. At that point, it will likely be a day-to-day decision to continue or not. Hey, I am just being honest.

3. I will pass all of my classes. 6 classes. All 2oo level and up. All college courses. 18 credits. While keeping Kyle from drinking the dog water and keeping Kaleb fed and happy. While having dinner on the table every night and keeping the clothes washed and the house relatively clean. Yep, passing will do. IF by chance I am keeping up on everything fairly well, I will shoot for A's and B's. I got all A's last semester fairly easily but that could have been a fluke. I don't want the pressure people!

4. Larabee and I will still be married in 2011. That is a given- we cannot afford to get divorced. Besides, we sorta love each other and our family, so the big D is not really an option.

5. I will tell my children at least once a day that I love them. I will kiss them unapologetically and hug them until they are thinking "Oooooookkkkkkk Mom!" It is my God-given right to hug and kiss to my hearts content, so get used to it boys!

Yep, I think 2010 will be a pretty good year.

Take the time to be thankful

2010-01-05T18:11:00.005-06:00

I just watched Oprah, you know, the one about Jaycee Dugard and all of those poor families who have had their children kidnapped from right beneath their noses. Could you imagine? My whole body goes into panic mode simply thinking about one of my children being taken from me. I pray every night and every day that my children are kept safe and away from any and all harm that may come to them, and while I know that I cannot protect them from everything I also know that I will try my darnedest to keep them as safe as I can. Today I am sending out extra prayers for those Mothers, Fathers, Grandmothers, Grandfathers, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, and friends who have had a child they know and love go missing. I selfishly pray that neither I nor anyone I know and love EVER has to find out what it feels like to have a child go missing.

So, the next time your children are driving you insane and you want to drop them off at the local animal shelter because those wild animals are surely not YOUR children, look into their tiny faces and be thankful that you have them and you know they are safe. Moments of frustration and exasperation will pass, but I am sure that the moment you realize your child is truly missing lasts a lot longer and is far more disheartening. I know that as soon as my kids can understand 'stranger danger' I will try my best to teach them to be careful. That will be hard with Kyle because he is so friendly and has never known a 'mean' person. I pray extensively that his common sense will keep him safe. As for Kaleb, only time will tell. I love my kids, and I know you love your kids. May we always be able to love them and hug them and kiss them.

Crooked Smiles

2010-01-02T09:45:00.002-06:00

This boy will not let me take a picture of him smiling normally. Every time the camera finally takes the picture, the smile is crooked and off to the side!

That is OK.

I will take it!

Another year flies by!

2009-12-21T23:25:00.002-06:00

He was so little when he was born! He was just a tiny little bundle of crying, peeing, pooping, smiling, heart-melting joy. We had no idea what we were in for! Then he turned into a strapping 1-year-old, and what a 1-year-old he turned out to be. Kyle, you are such an amazing child. You are headstrong and stubborn, yet loving and kind. You are naughty and you love doing things you KNOW you are not supposed to do, but you are excessively polite and bring awesome joy into our lives. You are smart and cleaver, but you are still eager to learn and discover. You know the names of most of the animals that walk God's green earth. You recognize numbers, can count to 10 (when YOU want to, not when WE want you to), and are even starting to recognize letters (which amazes us because we have not started focusing on letters with you yet!). You have your colors down fairly well, though recalling their names is a bit tough- but ask you to point out the green dot or the red circle and you are 100% there! You started saying "I love you" and "Loves Mama and Daddy" in the past week or so and it melts my heart every single time you say it. Beyond the things that you know or have learned, you simply 'get' things easily. You have an understanding for how things work and how to solve problems that is beyond your years. It is inspiring. In the past month your little world has changed so much. We moved from Salt Lake, where you did so much of your growing and learning, to Rawlins, where you are cooped up quite a bit of the time. You also became a big brother, a role you are more than happy to fill. You want to be so helpful that it is a hindrance at times, but Mama is learning to help you in your helping skills. You are going to have so much fun with Kaleb as the both of you grow. I feel blessed to be your Mama and to have the opportunity to continue to watch you learn and grow, as well as honored to help guide you through each stage of your life. I love you sugarbean, more than you will ever know.

What a good big brother!

2009-12-16T13:20:00.002-06:00

We all know that Kyle loves books. Today he decided to instill that love of books in Kaleb by reading him "The Monster at the End of This Book". It was precious. He even took the time to explain what was in the pictures. How sweet.

I love having boys. If I were to ever have a girl I would love that too, but boys just weasel their way into Mama's heart to the point of being sickeningly adorable. Good thing I like sickeningly adorable!

Recovering from a c-section

2009-12-02T22:34:00.002-06:00

If nobody has said it before, I will go ahead and be the first. C-sections are absolutely the best way to have a baby. Seriously, think about it. I got to pick my day, had it all planned out, walked calmly into the hospital that morning, and simply went through the motions of preparing for major surgery. There was no pushing, no screaming, no tearing, no baby getting stuck, no yelling at my husband, no sweating, no messed up hair. All very orderly and calm.
Recovery is what likely scares most people. I think I am one of the few people in this world that has a screwed up pain sensory system in my body. So far I have had an easy recovery, much like I did with Kyle, but this time easier in many ways. For instance, I had a belly wrap. It is a big elastic band that you wrap tightly around your mid-section for support. My abs got a few extra days of rest because of that baby. I was not afraid to sneeze or cough and I really did not have any pain at all because of moving the 'wrong' way. I was able to stop taking my pain medication after only 9 days, which is amazing in my opinion.
At this point, much of my swelling is gone and I can feel where they stitched me up on the inside. It is strange, but I am OK with that. Today I went for a walk around the park with my boys and I jogged just a bit to see if I could. Well, I could, but I should not. I will try to stick to doctor's orders and wait until I am 6 weeks pp, but to actually feel like I want to run is a big deal. I know I am done having kids and I want to try to get my old body back.
All I can say is wish me luck.

Diapers

2009-12-02T22:29:00.002-06:00

I just wanted to say that I REFUSE to count how many diapers I change per day now. Totally and completely refuse. It would be really sad if I knew that off the top of my head. I remind myself that I was totally OK with two in diapers, and I still am, but I will still not count how many I changed, say, today. Not going to happen. Simply not an important piece of information. Nobody needs to know- I dont even need to know.

14

*sigh*

My life as a Mommy of two...

2009-12-02T22:08:00.002-06:00

You never do know how capable you are of loving, how much your heart can really stretch and grow, until you add another child to your life.
When you only have one child your heart is full of, well, them. My heart was full of Kyle- full of his smiles, his laughter, his boo-boos, his triumphs, his aggravations, his entire world. Of course my heart also holds love for Larabee and other members of my family, but Kyle truly was my world. His well-being, his education, and his daily care was in my hands much of the time, so his little life encompassed mine.
When I found out I was pregnant last spring I never went through the worry or concern that I would not have room in my heart for another child. I know that everyone says your heart grows and your capacity for love grows, and I just believed in that.
Now that Kaleb is here I can say with all honesty that 'they' were right. There is always room in your heart for more love. I cherish the memories I have with Kyle, especially since was our first and our only for nearly two years. I love that I have gotten to watch him grow and learn and become the awesome little man he is today, but I am also very much looking forward to watching my two boys grow and learn and become awesome young men. I search every day for Kaleb's first smile, I wait every day for Kyle to say "Kaleb" with greater clarity. Every night Kyle kisses Kaleb on the head before he goes to bed, and I love seeing that. It is almost as if the love is built in from the beginning, which it perhaps is. God has granted Larabee and I with two little boys and has entrusted us with their care. That is not a job I take lightly, and while I know it will be a challenge I also know it will hold the greatest rewards.
My boys, Kyle and Kaleb, as one of your favorite books says, "I love you as much as a mother can love."

Kaleb Joseph Willey is here!

2009-11-25T10:05:00.002-06:00

I am a bit late posting this, but that is OK, right? LOL

Kaleb Joseph Willey graced us with his presence Saturday the 21st at 8:20 am. He weighed in at 8 lbs 11 oz and was 21 inches long, so bigger than his big brother was! He has black hair and looks an awful lot like Kyle did at that age. He is a big fan of sleeping in the daytime and not so much at night, but we are working on it. He is mellow and only cries if there is a reason (so far). We are proud!

My Sweet, Darling Boy

2009-11-18T23:47:00.002-06:00

My darling son, how on Earth do I explain to you how much your life is going to change in just a few short days? How do I prepare you for the biggest change you have ever had in your short life? We talk about the baby, we define certain things in the house as the baby's things, we talk about you becoming a big brother, but how much do you understand?

I know that we are giving you a wonderful gift, the gift of a sibling and a lifelong friend. I also know that we are taking you out of the spotlight, which you adore. Life is about changing and adapting though, and I know that you are really excellent at both, so my worries are few.

I sit here and reflect on what an amazing child you are and simply cannot believe that less than 2 years ago you were a newborn who mystified and terrified me. How did you go from goo-goos and ga-gas to running like the wind, talking up a storm, and being a caring little man? A few weeks ago you asked me if it hurt leaves when they fall off the trees! That amazed me! You are beyond polite, which makes me look good, but to tell you the truth that is just how you are. You are fantastic at pointing out your feelings and you get over things very easily. You are so laid back most of the time, which is strange because you are also as busy as can be! Most people cannot believe that you are not even 2 yet because you carry yourself so well and just act mature. You listen most of the time too, which is quite astonishing. I could go on and on about the things that you do every day that amaze me. I am so looking forward to watching you grow and blossom even more.

In a few short days you will go from being an only child to being a big brother. I know you will be great at your new role in life and that you will be a wonderful helper to your Mama. I love you more than words can ever express, with a love that you will only be able to understand when you become a father someday. It is endless and bottomless and can never founder. And you, my son, are amazing.

A Bittersweet Goodbye

2009-11-17T09:30:00.002-06:00

Sometimes in life we take on more than we can handle. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we cannot make things work out. That is how I feel about Summer. She is a great dog in many ways; she loves babies and kids, she is friendly, and she is sweet. On the other hand, she is not 100% potty trained, gets into the garbage every chance she gets, and often does not come when I call her. But I tell you what, she loves her boy and her boy loves her. Larabee and I made the hard decision that she was out of chances after yesterday. She is simply not going to change and we were simply not going to deal with it anymore. The last thing I need is to get up in the middle of the night to a crying baby to find a surprise left by the dog. I guess it is especially difficult dealing with Summer's bad habits when we consider how good Sadie is. Sadie is annoying, has separation anxiety, whines a lot, but we can trust her just about as much as you can trust a dog. Summer never got to that point, and that is sad. She could be such a good dog if she made the choice to be, but we cannot make that choice for her. Because of that, we had to make the choice that was best for our family and our sanity. Summer will find another home and hopefully that one will work out for her. We will miss her.

Hagrid

2009-11-16T15:29:00.003-06:00

One very large culture shock that we got when we came to Salt Lake City are the sheer volumes of homeless persons that call the streets of Salt Lake home. Nearly every street corner has someone holding a sign that proclaims the person to be "Homeless/Homeless Vet/Homeless Elderly Person" in need of "work/food/shelter/money", always followed up by "God Bless" or "Anything Helps". At one point I would have given every single person something; in San Antonio I gave one such woman a few bananas since I had just been to the grocery store, and man a few packs of fruit snacks that I happened to have in the car. I felt that if they want money they should find a job but food is something that is useful to everyone.
Fast forward to today. There are so many people on the streets of SLC that we have become numb to their begging. I often wonder if that particular person is really in need or if they have made a business out of begging, because (unfortunately) some have. I think about the fact that Larabee goes to a job every day that he does not particularly like to support his family the best he can and cannot justify giving away his hard-earned money to someone who may very well go home to a 3 bedroom house. I feel so jaded.
We do have one man who is at home on the Taco Bell lawn a few blocks away. We have dubbed him "Hagrid" because, well, he looks like Hagrid from Harry Potter. He is big, burly, hairy and wild-eyed. In the months that we have been here I have NEVER seen him begging or holding a sign. He walks back and forth between the Taco Bell and who knows where every day with all of his worldly possessions on his back. I wonder about him. Is he mentally unstable? Is he dealing with a drug or alcohol addiction? What was he like as a young child? Does he have any family? Is there anyone out there who knows his name and cares about him? For some reason he does not scare me, though I do not think I would approach him while pregnant or if I had children with me. I would like to see if he is 'all there' though, and see what happened in his life to lead him down this path. I guess my heart goes out to him because he makes his way in life without asking of others while others ask far too much when they are capable of so much more.
Every time I think about "Hagrid" I am thankful that, no matter what circumstances may fall upon me in my life, I will never be homeless. I know that I have family that would help me, and I also know that I am pretty self-reliant. I know I have been given the skills to keep me off of the streets. That is a pretty big thing if you think about it. I am thankful that Larabee is a good provider and that he does so selflessly. I am, in general, thankful.

Oh, the drama

2009-10-24T15:05:00.002-05:00

After much debate about the H1N1 vaccine and the possible side effects of the vaccine, Larabee and I decided that we would rather be safe than sorry, especially for the baby's sake. So I called up the local health department on Wednesday to see if they still had the shots and where we could get them. They told me that they were not giving them out for the rest of the week because they had scheduled mass clinics for today, Saturday. I was told they had 7000 shots that would be divided equally among the 4 health department locations in Salt Lake County, so 1750 shots per location. I was also told that they would open at 7 and go until 5, or whenever they ran out.
Loaded with this information Larabee and I decided that we would plan on being down there at 6:30. We figured that there might be a bit of a line, but surly not much of one. Boy were we wrong! We got down there at 6:30 on the dot and there was a line around the building and down the street at that point! There must have been people that were there for hours and hours before we got there. I decided at that point that parking might be an issue so I basically kicked Larabee out of the car and told him to get in line because there were droves of people coming from all directions and I definitely did not want to be behind more people than I had to be behind. I drove around for about 10 minutes before I finally found a parking spot, but found one a couple of blocks away. Kyle and I hiked down to where Larabee was waiting and there were at least 200 people already in line behind him. Good thing I kicked him out!
At 7, when they started letting people in to receive the shots, we figured out how slowly things were going to move. Silly Mama that I am, I figured it would not be a big deal and we would get through quickly, so I failed to grab the stroller out of the car. Kyle was a cuddle bug today, and was being incredibly good, but he only wanted me. Not Daddy. Me. After about 45 minutes my back simply could not take it and I hiked back to the car for the stroller and necessary keep-the-boy-occupied supplies. When I got back to Larabee and Kyle they had not moved an inch, and I was gone for over 20 minutes. So we waited. Kyle watched what was going on around him. And we waited.
At about 8 I decided I was hungry and hiked the 4 blocks to 7-11 and got some grub for us and some coffee (decaf because we are both being good). When I got back the line had move but not a ton. So we waited. And waited. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, we got to the door. They tried to tell us that Larabee could not get vaccinated because he was not caring for a child under the age of 6 months NOW. So I sorta kinda fibbed and said I was due any day. He got the shot after I said that! At 10:30 we walked out of the building. So, it took us 4 hours to get these stupid little shots that may or may not have been necessary. I guess it is done now, but boy my feet hurt and I am exhausted!

He looks older again...darn!

2009-10-15T10:29:00.002-05:00

Kyle got another haircut. I have decided that I just hate haircuts. It takes my little boy and makes him look like a big boy. I am not ready for this! But, it is awfully cute that it is short enough to spike up a bit. Great...now I am turning him into a teenager! Does it ever end?

Growing Up

2009-10-06T21:22:00.003-05:00

I realized something yesterday. I miss my parents. My whole adult life I have rarely gone a week without seeing my Mom and/or my Dad. We rarely lived too far apart and when we did it still was not long between visits. I do not know if it is pregnancy hormones or simply facing growing up.

Last night we had dinner with my Dad, who was passing through Salt Lake on his way from Wyoming to Idaho. We got to talking and decided that we had not seen him since the end of June. THE END OF JUNE!!!! It is October! What the heck? Has it really been that long? I was shocked. After looking through pictures I determined that we saw him 4th of July weekend, but still, that is a long time. We have seen my Mom quite a bit, but then again, she has been back and forth more than Dad has. Now that she is in Garden Valley we will likely see her more often too.

Anyhow, I miss my parents. I miss Kyle being able to see them every day, especially now that he is older and more involved with everything. I guess that is all part of growing up, but it is still sad.

2009-09-23T22:06:00.002-05:00

Little boy heaven. Big boy heaven. Either way you cut it, tractors and equipment are very cool. This is what they mean when they talk about big boy toys. It does not matter at all that owning a tractor means work. It is still a piece of equipment and equipment is cool. Remember that.

Now, for this big boy the tractor is not so much fun. Or at least, he claims that it isn't. Yeah right. I do not believe you at all. Especially when you get to introduce your adorable son to the wonders of a tractor. Ahh, the joy of being a Daddy.
And for this little boy, what on earth is he thinking? He looks....mischievous. He looks.......like he is doing something wrong. He looks...... like his Daddy. Ahh, the joy of being a Mommy.

I guess this is all in a days work at Grandpa Art's ranch. And most importantly, the work is all done. Those boys did have fun, and I expect they will probably have a lot more fun on this tractor in the future. Did I mention I love my boys?!?

Baby in the ribs!

2009-09-23T22:03:00.002-05:00

Where is it written that a baby growing inside of you has full reign over your entire abdomen? Silly baby, my ribs are a no-no! Do you know how much that makes my back hurt when you do that? Probably not! You are far too concerned with doing flips and kicks and learning how to be the up-and-coming Jackie Chan. When Mommy cannot breathe you need to move down in the belly. I know that there is not much room there, but please, help a Mama out!

A day late

2009-09-12T10:45:00.003-05:00

For some reason I simply could not bring myself to write a post about 9/11 on 9/11. I guess there was just something about yesterday that told me I should let it be. Not today though.

I can almost guarantee that everyone over the age of 10 remembers what they were doing that fateful day. Since we live on the West coast it was fairly early in the morning when the first plane hit. I am not, have never been, and will likely never be a morning person. I was in my Senior year of High school and throughout my high school career had figured out exactly what time I needed to get up to hurriedly get ready for school and make it to class by the second bell. Yes, the second bell, not the first bell. My mom woke me up way too early because she told me I needed to come watch the news. Most mornings I would have simply rolled over and gone back to sleep, but for some reason, that morning I got right out of bed.

Just like everyone else, we were watching the footage of the first plane hitting over and over and the newscasters were speculating about what could have gone wrong and how many people were hurt or killed. All of a sudden, on live TV, a second plane hit. At that moment you could almost hear the whole country gasp in shock. It is amazing that you have no idea what is going on but your gut feeling tells you it is just not good.

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a world without gangs or bar fights. I grew up in a world of relative peace, and for that I can thank my parents. I knew what terrorism was from school books and the news. I always thought that terrorism was driven by some kook who had an agenda and thought that the only way they could get people to listen was to do something crazy. I still think I am not far from the truth. Even me in all my innocence knew what was going on that day.

I watched TV until I needed to leave for school, listened to the radio the whole way in, and when I got to school every TV in every classroom was following the story. I had Dr Crowder that morning and we were supposed to have a test (if I remember correctly). We watched the news instead and talked about our views of what was going on.

Just because we were thousands of miles away from Ground Zero does not mean we felt the shock or pain any less. Most of us did not have family members who were in New York, but we knew that a lot of people in the country did. We, just like the rest of the country, felt a great sense of helplessness.

I will never forget that day, even though its affect on my life was not nearly as personal as the pregnant women who lost their husbands that day, or those babies who were born into life without fathers. It was not as personal as a mother in the Midwest receiving the dreaded call that her beloved son or daughter had been found but had not been found alive. It was not as personal as the many firefighters and police officers and volunteers who spent weeks searching through the rubble, knowing that there was no hope for those still trapped inside the wreckage. My heart still goes out to all of those whose lives were personally affected by the senseless act of a bunch of kooks. I sit here and look at my son and am so thankful that his Daddy comes home and hugs him every single day. I feel the movement of a sweet new life in my belly and am thankful that his or her Daddy will hold them moments after birth. I am thankful that my Mom never got a phone call like that. I am thankful.

May God bless America.

Milestones

2009-09-09T10:21:00.006-05:00

It is amazing how every milestone that our children reach we feel as if they are slipping out of babyhood and into childhood even faster than before. The first time Kyle does anything on his own I cannot help but get sentimental and emotional at the fact that my baby seems to be disappearing and is slowing being replaced by this wild, rambunctious, smart, funny, crazy child.

We know that the 'big' milestones are worth remembering, but what about the little milestones? Do you remember what day your child first said every single word in their vocabulary? I certainly do not. Do you remember when they first started using adult utensils? I sort of remember, maybe; OK, I don't know that one either. I can, however, tell you what day it was the very first time Kyle counted to '5' all on his own. It was Monday, Labor Day, the 7th of September, 2009.

We had just traveled back from Garden Valley and gotten everything pretty much put away. Kyle went to bed late, but since he had been in the car all day it was not a big deal. Larabee and I were out in the living room getting things ready for the next day when Larabee stopped me and indicated that I listen. Kyle was in bed counting to himself. I thought "how cute! That little turd just does not want to sleep!". Well, he has been able to count to 3 for some time, so it was no surprise when he got that far. Then we heard "four" and Larabee and I looked at each other with looks of astonishment on our faces. Then we heard "five" and we about fell off of the couch. He skipped six, said "seven, nine, eight, ten" and left it at that. Not too bad for a 20-month-old if you ask us! We are so proud of our little boy and his supreme intelligence, even if he was just using it as an excuse not to go to sleep.

The first week back to school.

2009-08-28T15:11:00.004-05:00

Have you ever wondered what 17 college credits look like? Well, it looks something like this. (which weighs about 10,000 pounds)And this. And this. As you can see, it is not completely filled out. One of my teachers has not really, well, gotten their calender up, so I am waiting patiently for my workload in that class. And some stuff had to be penciled in so that I would not forget about it. Some things still need to be penciled in.

Needless to say, if I am not on facebook enough or if I do not post to my blog often enough, this is why. My house IS still clean though, so that is something. And Kyle is fed and clean and does get to see the outside world every day. So far anyway.

Honestly, the first week back to school has been pretty much fine. I can see that there will be a lot more reading involved with online classes because, well, I am not sitting in a lecture hall for 3 hours a week. Lucky for me I am a great note-taker. Also, I have found some great study tools online that should really be useful for cramming for tests. Now I have to secure a proctor for my exams and try to plan out when to take my exams. Fortunately not all of the exams require a proctor. Yay! I do have a couple of people that would be happy to watch Kyle while I take tests, so that is a plus. As long as I can be an expert at time management I should be alright. If I start to slack Larabee is under strict instruction to kick my butt, even if I whine.

Wait. I never whine. Right guys?!?

And this is what I get to look forward to when I am done with my schoolwork........

Yeah. Exactly. *sigh*

Kyle's haircut and new 'do

2009-08-17T21:52:00.003-05:00

Yep. He is cute. Yep. I hate haircuts. Why, you ask!? Because they make my baby look older, that is why. We got some gel and gave him a little bit of attitude. That made him look even older. It sure is a cute 'do though, so I guess Mommy will just have to get used to it.

Our Family Day At Snowbird Resort

2009-08-17T21:26:00.004-05:00

Last weekend we decided to take a little trip up to Snowbird Resort. Our friend, Miguel, got a free ticket at work so we figured the free ticket would be for me (since I cannot ride anything anyway!) and Kyle and Daddy would get to have all kinds of fun.

We started out at the bouncy house, which is right up Kyle's alley. He loved the bouncy house and really liked getting to interact with the other kids.

After the bouncy house we went to the big bouncy slide. Well, in this case, climb. Kyle thought it was a great idea to climb up the slide........... and sort of slide down the ladder. Silly boy!And then it was time to go up to the big alpine slide. We all rode up the ski lift, Kyle and Daddy took a trip down the slide, and then they came back up on the ski lift again. I was terrified that Kyle would wiggle and fall. Looking at this picture STILL terrifies me. It makes them both look so small! And away they go! They are the ones one the left. Kyle loved it and would have gone all day long if we would have let him!After we got done riding the slides we decided to take a trip to the top of the mountain on the Tram. It is quite a ride since it takes you up about 3000 feet in less than 10 minutes. Kyle really enjoyed it! We could see all the way out into the valley from up there and it was so nice and cool that I was loving it. This was one the many beautiful views from the ride. Amazing that it is actually this pretty!Here are Kyle and Daddy getting ready to head back down the mountain. Kyle was so full of energy- he was so tired because we got up to Snowbird right about nap time. He was a very good boy though, thank goodness!We got down the mountain and noticed that all these people were setting up their...um...horns. It sounded cool, but was really really loud close up. I wanted to shout "RIIIIICCCCCCOOOOOOOLLLLLLLAAAAAA!"

I am huge!

2009-08-06T13:27:00.009-05:00

I have been trying to be good about taking photos throughout this pregnancy. I did not have a camera with Kyle and I am sad I do not have more pictures of me pregnant with him.

I am now 23 weeks 6 days pregnant with our little bean. Let me take you back to the first pictures of my pregnancy....

I was technically pregnant at this point. I found out I was pregnant the week that Art and Agnes came to visit us in San Antonio. I was obviously not skinny, but you definitely could not tell I was expecting. I was only about 11 days along. Yep, I had no idea.

In this one I was about 7 1/2 weeks along. I felt fine, but was a bit tired.

This picture I am not proud of. This picture takes me back to when I was pregnant with Kyle. When I was pregnant with Kyle my Dad insisted, at my birthday dinner no less, that we should compare bellies. His was bigger. This time around I TRIED to look bigger, but he still had me beat. Pay no attention to my funny face, I was trying really hard! I was about 15 weeks along.

This is the point that I officially started taking 'belly' pictures. 14 weeks 5 days-

18 weeks 4 days-20 weeks 5 days- 21 weeks 5 days-23 weeks 6 days- Oh baby, how you've grown! Over half way there and I cannot wait to meet you! I wonder if I will be bigger with you than I was with Kyle? We will see!

I did a bad bad thing....

2009-08-06T13:10:00.002-05:00

I am naughty and you might as well know it. I am a bad girl, I am a bad girl, I am a bad girl. Shame on me.

I went to Wal*Mart today to pick up a few necessities. Yes, necessities. Like yogurt for Larabee's lunch and laundry detergent. Necessities. I was good, I really was.

Then I left, made it almost on to the road, and I saw it. *SIGH*

A milkshake place. THE milkshake place. I have been craving a good, fresh-strawberry milkshake for a while now. I have, up to this point, been able to hold that craving at bay. Until today. *SIGH*

There it was, right on their menu. THICK milkshake made with fresh strawberries. I shelled out $3.00 for this puppy, but I shared with Kyle so I felt a little less guilty. Heck, I shared with BOTH of my kids. I can feel the guilt slipping away. It is like a weight off my shoulders. Sadly though, it is also like weight on my thighs. Oh well, craving satisfied. And boy was it good!

A big bed for a big boy

2009-08-04T15:07:00.003-05:00

We recently moved Kyle to the big bed. Bye-bye baby bed, hello freedom! He has done quite well with that new-found freedom, though he does tend to get out every now and then. Those escapes are becoming far less common, thank goodness. He has never gotten out of bed in the middle of the night. In the morning he waits for me to either come and say good morning to him or for me to tell him (from bed, naughty Mommy!) that he can get up. He has done so well, I am so proud!

Notice the cute animal fabric on the wall? Yeah, that was not supposed to *have* to be there. We have a window there which serves as an emergency escape route. Not the best thing when you have a little one sleeping there. I gave him 1 day to see if he could figure out how to open it. It took about 10 minutes. Off to Wal*Mart I went and I got them to give me a big empty box. I then went to the fabric section and found this piece of fleece on super-clearance, and low and behold, it was the perfect size. I got home, cut out the cardboard, attached the fleece, and secured it to the wall. It works great because it keeps him secure and it also blocks out light for naps and bedtime. That means that I get to sleep until 8, sometimes even 8:15. Not a bad trade for the $3.00 it cost for the fabric.

When I think of things like this it makes me feel very clever. It makes me glad to be me. It makes me wonder what I could do someday if I set my mind to it. I guess it also makes me my Mother's daughter. And Grandpa Joe (Larabee's Grandfather) would be proud of me too because, according to legend, the man could fix anything with bailing twine and a pocket knife. I strive to be like that, though I would likely be more into aesthetics than Grandpa Joe.

My book loving baby

2009-08-04T15:01:00.004-05:00

Kyle loves books. He would let you read to him all day long if you are willing. If you are not willing, he will look at them himself. I love that he loves books. He is definitely his Mama's boy!
This lovely boy will sit and look at books for an hour straight. He will by-pass all the toys for the books. What a kid!

Back to work for Mama

2009-07-27T14:24:00.002-05:00

I am no longer a stay at home mom. I have a job for the first time in almost 2 years, or at least a job with a paycheck attached. I do not mind the work and it is fairly simple. I feel confident that I am doing my job well, so that makes me proud. I am glad that I only have to work part time, and am also thanful that Kyle gets to stay with Daddy while I am at work. I prefer that to him being in daycare with people I do not even know. Even if it turns out that we do not necessarily need the money, it will be nice to have extra. If we do end up needing it, I will be thankful that it is there. Working is less stressful than, well, stress.

I thought I loved you then

2009-07-27T13:53:00.003-05:00

I am fortunate enough to have a husband who loves me dearly. I love him dearly too. It makes me thankful to think about how good I really do have it. I am truly grateful.

I am also fortunate enough to have a baby boy who is fantastic. He lights up my days with such joy and laughter that I am continuously shocked when he fills me with more joy than the day before. He is such a little man and my hope is that Larabee and I will raise him to be a fine, responsible, respectful, loving man. I want my someday-daughter-in-law to feel like the luckiest woman in the world on a daily basis, the same way Larabee makes me feel.

Brad Paisley has a song called "I thought I loved you then" that pretty much sums up, well, love. And so, to the wonderful men in my life, to you I say "What I can't see is how I'm ever gonna love you more.... but I've said that before."

Yesterday was a rollercoaster day!

2009-06-17T12:58:00.003-05:00

Have you ever been so scared that you could throw up on the spot? Or simply faint? Or run out of the room screaming?
I felt that way yesterday.
I had my first Doctors appointment for the belly baby yesterday and I was very excited to know that all was well. I knew I was likely close to 16 weeks and had knowingly put off going to the Dr waiting for GBI to switch to better insurance. I finally had to go in because I felt that if I waited any longer I would have the baby before going to the Dr.
My appointment was at 11:00 and I went in early, got all my paperwork filled out, and prayed that Kyle would not have a meltdown since the appointment was right at his nap time. I got to see the nurse practitioner, who was a very nice lady, and she went over everything, did the pap, and wanted to listen to the heartbeat. That is what i was waiting for. Well, she could not find the heartbeat. I am definitely heavier than I was with Kyle, so it is reasonable to say that my added fat was making it difficult. No biggie, right? So she took me to the ultrasound machine where she and another nurse practitioner proceeded to start the ultrasound. There was the baby. NO heartbeat, NO movement. Instant "OMG" from the NPs. They wanted to get me to the hospital to basically confirm what they 'knew'- the baby was dead. It hurts my heart just to write those words. Searing pain. Anyhow, they started talking to me about the different ways to 'deal' with the baby- D&C, give birth, etc. They just wrote off my child as if they were just saying "these things happen". Grr! They got me an appointment at 2:30 for the ultrasound at the hospital and I left the office thinking I would never see them again because you do not go to an OB if you are no longer pregnant.
I made it out of the office, out of the building, and most of the way to my car before I started sobbing. I do not like crying in front of people, especially people I do not know, but I could not hold it in any longer. I cried the whole way home, but thankfully Kyle fell asleep in the car so I was able to just put him in bed. I got a hold of Larabee and told him he needed to come home but I could not tell him over the phone why he needed to come home, so the poor guy drove home clueless. I feel really badly about that. I called Tiffany and my mom. I cannot even imagine how it was for them hearing that news. Larabee got home and I told him that they could not find a heartbeat and that the baby was not moving and I had to go to the hospital at 2:30. I did not know if I should leave him home with Kyle or if we should go and hope Kyle was good or what. He did not really want me going alone, even if it meant him waiting in the car to be able to drive me home. He is a good husband. So we put the sleeping Kyle back in the car and made our way to the hospital. I felt like I was on a death march. I felt like I was walking to the gallows, approaching the end. Going down a path that leads to pain and heartache, but you have to go, you have no choice.
How do you describe how it feels when you are going to the hospital so they can tell you your baby is dead? So they can tell you that the little life you were supposed to nurture and protect is no longer there. We already picked out names. I bought a little outfit. Kyle knows there is a baby in my belly. How do I tell everyone? How do I decide how to 'get rid' of our baby? Do we have an autopsy done to find out what happened or do we just blame it on the 'something was not viable' theory? Do we name the baby or just call it our angel baby? How does this happen at 16 weeks along? I know it happens, but why did it have to happen to me? Will I be able to go through another pregnancy? NO, if this is the end I am fine with just having Kyle. I cannot do this again. If it hurts this badly now, how badly is it going to hurt the day they do the procedure? How am I going to take care of Kyle when all I will want to do is cry? Will I finally know what depression feels like? How will Larabee handle all of this? How will I be able to be there for him when I will not be there for myself? Am I really as strong as I thought I was? All of these thoughts raced through my head and more on the 10 minute drive to the hospital. The car was filled with eerie silence. If I talked, I cried. If I was quiet, I could control it. This was the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life. Diesel spill be damned. That is property, those are things, that is money. All of that is NOTHING compared to a child, a little life, that is loved and wanted so badly.
We got to the hospital and parked, and Kyle woke up. He was in such a good mood, but he was everywhere! He had enough energy for all of us. I got checked in, got my paperwork, and headed back to radiology. It only took a few minutes to get into the room, but it felt like an eternity. I flipped through a magazine, but I honestly could not tell you what it was or what it was about. It was just me keeping busy.
We opted for Larabee to keep Kyle in the waiting room or take him outside to play so that he did not have to be there when Mommy lost it. I told Larabee that we would likely have to go back to the Dr's office to discuss where to go from there. Anyone who knows me knows I am an annoying optimist. I honestly did not expect to hear any news that I did not already know. All I wanted to know was how far along I was when it happened and hopefully what happened.
I laid on the table, mentally preparing myself. The ultrasound tech informed me that she was not allowed to tell me anything and that after she got the information she needed she would call the Dr and then I would speak to the Dr. Ok, so I will not even be able to know what is going on? That was frustrating.
Imagine my shock and awe when, after about 5 second of her looking at the baby, she said,"The baby is fine." I replied,"really??!?!?!?!?" and when she nodded I proceeded to bawl my eyes out. She turned on the monitor so I could see our little bean and there it was, moving, heartbeat, healthy, ALIVE! My baby was still alive. All of those decisions I thought I would have to make, all the pain I was prepared to endure, would not have to happen. Relief poured over me, my soul rejoiced, my heart sang. My prayers, as well as those of countless others (most of whom I do not know in person), we answered. Thank GOD! I could have flown to the moon, I felt so free of worry. Talk about a complete 180 from just hours ago.
We finished up, I spoke to the Dr, made an appointment for next Friday, and went out to find Larabee and Kyle. When I got to the car, he was there and I told him that the baby was fine. He was shocked and very happy. I called mom and Tiffany back and told them everything was fine. They were both overjoyed. When I got home I checked my e-mail and had over 50 messages from my message board friends. Before going to the hospital, while Larabee was in the shower, I wrote messages on the 4 message boards I go to asking for any and all prayers they could spare. I believe in the power of prayer and part of me wonders if that could have made all of the difference. Thank you to everyone who cared enough to send out a prayer or two. Thank you to the ultrasound tech that delivered the happiest news I never expected to hear. And thank you belly baby, for still being alive and healthy. You better not ever scare your Mama like that again!

At the park in Boise

2009-06-15T16:46:00.003-05:00

Kyle loves his Aunt Bobbie. She lets him pick on her. Mommy cannot let Kyle stand on her tummy so we will get Bobbie to do it. You go Bobbie. Yay Kyle! And then he tried to eat the camera. No! Bad Kyle!

Since I did not let him eat the camera he thought it was a good idea to tackle Bobbie. "No, I tackled YOU, I did not want you to tickle ME!

And of course, since he is a boy, he loved this thing. Aunt Randy was more than happy to help him with this. Wee!

When Kyle was running away Aunt Randy decided to make fun of him flailing his arms everywhere. It was funny.

Darn this park though, there are no baby swings. This did not last long!

And Bobbie only went down the slide once, given the fact that this is the result.

The Aquarium in Salt Lake

2009-06-15T16:36:00.004-05:00

Tropical fish are my favorite!

The bright patterns and colors are magnificent. It always amazes me how many colors, shades, patterns, designs, sizes, and shapes of fish there are. Absolutely amazing.

Kyle loves fish. The aquarium has fish. Therefore, Kyle loves the aquarium. He got so excited when he got to run from one exhibit to the other saying,"FISH!FISH!"He does not, however, like the stingrays. They feel funny, sort of like a slick sponge. Kyle just was not into them. I do not blame him for a minute.He was very excited about the kids area. All the fish were at his level, he could run around like a crazy kid, and he just thought is was cool. "FISH!FISH"

And it did not hurt that they had tunnels to crawl through. What a face!

Exploring in Utah

2009-06-15T16:31:00.002-05:00

We like to explore. Kyle especially likes to explore. He likes to explore so much that it is often hard to get him to stop exploring one thing and move on to the next. Here, it is a rock. I believe he sat down and played with that rock for a good 2 minutes before mean Mommy picked him up and carried him off. Naughty Mommy. Once we got to the little pond it was all this boy could do not to jump in. He was good, but I know he wanted to.

And then there is naughty Daddy. I specifically said,"Turn around so I can take your picture!" and he specifically said,"No!" and kept walking. Darn him.

Goofy Boy and Preggo Mama

2009-06-15T16:25:00.002-05:00

These are my boys. Yes, they are goofy. The picture turned out a little blurry though. Kyle did NOT get his big radar ears from me. I have small, dainty ears thank you very much. Can you say monkey boy?And then there is the funny mama. I did not have time to smile. My belly is getting big. I have no idea what was on TV. But my belly is cute!

The belly baby

2009-06-03T16:12:00.002-05:00

Does this make my fetus look fat? Just joking! I am not far enough along to have anything make my fetus look fat, and given the fact that I have lost 4 pounds, I feel pretty good.
One big thing that people do not tell you about pregnancy is the stabbing pain that round ligaments stretching causes. Ouch! Sneeze...ouch! Cough...ouch! Out of nowhere...ouch! At least it reassuring because I know the baby is growing. Grow baby grow!

My big (determined) boy

2009-06-03T12:17:00.013-05:00

Last weekend we went out to Antelope Island for the day, which was great fun with the exception of the bugs. We saw some antelope (go figure) and some buffalo (bison if you want to be truthful, but everyone in the west calls them buffalo anyway so just deal with it!), and a lot of open space. Kyle thought it was great fun.
We went to the ranch house to look around and it was GREAT! You could actually touch things, there were not a thousand cameras watching you, and it was very interesting. Larabee and I kept telling each other how neat it would have been to live out there back in the day.
Kyle liked the rail fence and climbed through it several times. Here he is in all of his determination to figure it out. Such a boy!

See Mom, I am a big boy!

Yes son, you are. But you are still my baby. So there.

Not a good day for the boy :(

2009-05-31T12:17:00.003-05:00

So it finally happened. Apparently the screen door was not latched all the way or Kyle pushed it so hard it popped open, but the boy flew out the door and down the stairs. Poor thing. He bit his lip, got a bump on his head, bruised his cheek, and scraped his chest. The scrape is pretty superficial, but I imagine the scab it is bound to leave will not be fun for him. I am just thankful he did not get hurt worse and that he had grass to land on instead of concrete. Maybe he will steer clear of the door from now on and stop thinking he is invincible.

Swimming with Livie and Tiffy

2009-05-27T13:00:00.008-05:00

While at home we went swimming with Livie and Tiffy. Talk about a great time! What a blast!

Kyle had so much fun trying out his new water wings. They seem to work alright, especially considering the fact that he is JUST A BABY! Why do they have to grow up so fast?Thanks for taking this picture Tiffy. I am sure you simply wanted to show the world how magnificent preggo ta-tas are. I am ready to bust out of this top! Sheesh.

Oh yeah, Kyle is having fun. Water water everywhere! Just his cup of tea.Oh the slide! Up, down, up down, up, down. He would have stayed there forever!

What? Get out!? I don't think so! Such a little water baby! He is taking a nap right now and I am almost positive he is dreaming out swimming. I am sure of it.

Home is where your hubby is

2009-05-27T12:10:00.019-05:00

Kyle and I spent a wonderful couple of weeks in Idaho recently and had so much fun! We spent a few days in Boise celebrating a mini-family reunion (super fun!)

Kyle loved his Great Great Aunt Iverna and Great Great Uncle Alan (Alan is my Grandma Nila's brother). I think they liked him alright too.

We spent a day in Garden Valley with the Grandparents (super relaxing!)

Yes, there are two baby ducks swimming in the horse trough. That is how us country people do it! And yes, we were feeding them worms dug out of the horse poo pile. They liked it. And yes, if you must know, I washed Kyle's hands very well after this little bit of fun!
Zoey and Kyle get along so well! Very cute. The jury is still out on who gets to drive the tractor though.

This picture is just an example of how cousins plot against their parents, uncles, aunts, and grandparents. Or maybe they were plotting against Riley. That would be OK. And look how grown up little Darrianne is. Stop right now Missy!

This picture has to be included for two simple reasons. It is one of Larabee's all-time favorite pictures of his boy. Mine too. And Also because you can see the lime green fingernail polish on Darrianne's fingers, thus proving that while she looks grown-up, she is sooo not! Phew!
Finally we spent a little over a week at home in good old Emida. Lets just say being home was not nearly as relaxing as GV. It was with good reason though, since I was going to tear down our porch and get some work done. It did not help that we had broken pipes ALL OVER our house though! THANK GOD for Merle. How likely is it that you will find a licensed plumber in Emida of all places? Not likely, but someone was watching over me. Kyle did not care about busted pipes. He just loved the space to run. Uncle Levi really liked getting in there and helping with the porch destruction. Even though the poor kid was running a really high fever all weekend. Kyle just liked getting into stuff, particularly the buckets of old nails/bolts/screws (see below for explanation). The dogs liked going outside without leashes, but Summer tended to get into things that upset her tummy. Poor girl never learned. There's no place like home, there's no place like home. We miss you home! We will be back someday! And you will have new landscaping and be spruced up all the time!
We got everything fixed and my Mom came down for the weekend and helped me tear our porch down. What a project that was! The man who built that stinkin' porch used every type of fastening device ever invented, then added a few more for good measure. When 2 nails will suffice you might as well use 2,184. Obviously. But, as I said, it is done. Yay.

It was wonderful to see everyone in town and get caught up on everything that is going on, which really isn't much. We loved spending time with Auntie Tiffy, Uncle Wayne, and Livie! I miss them so much when we are gone. Sometimes I feel like I will come home someday and we will be so out of the loop that Tiffy will not want to be my friend anymore. And then I remember that she wouldn't know what to do without me. Problem solved. I could not believe how cute Livie is. She is going to be a real heart breaker someday, much to her Daddy's dismay. Sorry Wayne. Deal with it.

Not Me Monday!

2009-05-04T18:01:00.003-05:00

I did not steal this idea from a friend's blog. I made it up all on my own.

I did not eat 10 potstickers for breakfast. 10 is surely too many. I only ate 5.

I did not put Kyle in his crib this afternoon hoping that he would go to sleep but knowing he wouldnt. That would hurt his feelings. Or he would just play.

I did not seriously consider going out to eat instead of making dinner after being at the cell phone repair shop for hours on end to no avail.

I did not drink another Starbucks Frappuccino this afternoon when I probably shouldnt have.

I did not leave my dishes in the sink to 'soak' for so long that the water got cold. No sir, I scrubbed them up the minute I put them in there.

I did not go 2 days without washing my hair, only to wear it up today because you could tell-it was gross.

I swear, I did none of these things. Or did I?

A day of exploring

2009-05-01T18:18:00.008-05:00

Today we went out to explore. We ended up by the "Great Salt Lake". Really not very great in our opinion. It is so salty it is considered the Dead Sea of the US. I think brine shrimp live out there. And a lot of smells live out there too. But we still explored. We picked up some rocks and threw them. Kyle learned the great art of navigating unsteady terrain. He even learned about climbing up rocks. He is so brave it is scary.

It was a really decent day for it. Not too sunny, not too cold. T-shirt weather.

And Kyle even kept his new hat on the whole time.

Until he bumped it on a rock and it came off. Of course, he wanted it right back on.

Now Mommy is tired. Do you think we wore out that boy? Not a chance.

Mommy Day!

2009-04-26T15:42:00.002-05:00

I got a Mommy day today. Or better yet, a Lisa day. Larabee took Kyle out this morning to do 'man things', giving me some time to myself. I decided to head over to the mall because I needed to get my ring cleaned. Not something I necessarily want to take Kyle with me to do. So I wandered around the mall, went to a few stores, and even got a haircut. In peace! It is absolutely amazing how good it is for the soul to do something for yourself. I don't do it nearly enough, but that is my own fault. I dont necessarily want to go do too many things by myself, so maybe I should start thinking of things. As much as I adore being with Kyle, some time away from him is good for both of us.

My big owie

2009-04-23T09:32:00.002-05:00

Last Thursday was simply a bad day. I had the stomach flu something terrible, my Grandma Donna passed away and, when I was on the phone with my mom, I fell down the stairs of our trailer and buggered up my back. I was so scared, and the first thought I had when I realized what had happened was "Oh my God, the baby!" I burst into tears because by that point I was simply overrun with emotion. I was sore, and I hurt, but that had nothing to do with my tears. My tears were coming from my heart, a mother's heart, and a heart that was (at that time) full of fear. I gathered up my phone, let the dogs in, called my mom back for just a second, called and left Larabee a crying-barely-understandable message on his phone, and got out the phone book. Kyle was napping, so fortunately I was able to focus all of my attention on finding a Dr that would see me that day. Since I don't have an OBGYN yet it wasn't like I could just call her/him and have them squeeze me in. Fortunately I found a place that not only got me in within an hour, but also gave me an ultrasound no questions asked. I got to see that little bean in my belly that is just growing and growing. I got to see that wonderful heartbeat, and hearing it was just awesome. We (the ultrasound tech and I) even saw the baby wiggle around. Yay!
So everything ended up OK. My bruises are even pretty much gone at this point and I have one scab on my back from a bad scratch. Other than that, I am good to go. According to the measurements of baby on the ultrasound I am 8 weeks and 5 days into my pregnancy. 2 months. Hard to believe. I am so thankful.

Hugs

2009-04-08T16:30:00.002-05:00

Is there anything as precious as a hug? Can anything lower your blood pressure more quickly than a hug? Can anything make the world right again like a hug? I think not.
Kyle has recently learned how to really hug, you know, by actually squeezing his arms around your neck. It is wonderful. Every time I change his diaper I stand him up and he just hugs me and hugs me. It fills my heart with an unexplainable joy because Kyle has never been a cuddle bug. He is way too busy for that, so the fact that he takes time out of his busy day to give his Mama a hug (which sometimes lasts for 2 or 3 minutes) makes it all the more special.
My heartstrings are being tugged just thinking about it!

Getting our bearings

2009-04-08T12:37:00.002-05:00

A new city, a new routine. I am such a routine oriented person that it is really irritating to break routine or change routine. I am not having such a hard time this time around though, which is surprising. Maybe I am simply glad to be here. Maybe I needed a change. Maybe I will be able to be more efficient this time around. Not a bad thing if you ask me.
I have scoped out the Library, which we went to today for story time. Kyle had a blast playing with the other kids close to his age and I really loved watching how well he interacts with everyone. He is such a little love. I always joke that he is forever running for Mayor. He will go to anyone, is perfectly sweet and adorable, and leaves a group gushing. If that doesn't scream politics I don't know what does. As long as it only ever goes as far as class president.
So now we get to get into the routine of being here. I am glad because I was tired of my Texas routine.

Our big move!

2009-04-08T12:20:00.002-05:00

I know I am a few days late in posting this, but better late than never, right?

We are finally out of Texas. I hate you Texas. I love you Texas. I never want to go back. I miss you. It is complicated. I miss the winter weather (which is like summer at home) and I never want to see the summer weather again (which is somewhat like living on the sun).

Our family made a lot of wonderful memories in the state you don't mess with. Kyle spent the better part of his first 15 months of life there. He learned how to crawl there. Though he learned how to walk in good 'ol Idaho, as any good Idaho boy should. He got to go to the ocean, to amusement parks, and to the Zoo. He even acquired a new dog there. We naturally referred to our trailer space as home, however temporary it was, but if you ever ask me I will tell you that I never lived there. I just stayed there for a while. I believe 'a while' is an undisclosed amount of time, so it is still true.

As of now Texas is simply a memory. We may have to go back someday, but I will be the first to say that I hope we don't ever have to. It is hot, it is dirty, and it is just not home.

Now we are in Salt Lake City and I am ever so glad to be closer to home. I know it is still 11 hours away, but it is much much closer than San Antonio. When we crossed into New Mexico, my heart sang. When I first saw real mountains, snow, and beautiful landscape, my soul rejoiced. I feel whole again. I feel like myself. I feel as if I have snapped out of a mundane existence and back into real life. It makes me sad to know how uninspired I was in Texas. I need visual stimulation, I need nature at it's finest, and I need fresh air and open spaces. We have only been here three days and it already feels more like home than San Antonio ever did. That seems strange to me. Perhaps it is because we are now in more of a groove and not so homesick. I think that the way the economy is we have stepped away from the 'woe is me' attitude about not being at home and stepped into the idea that we are truly thankful that we are still surviving. We are blessed.

Have money? Dont spend it when you can save it.

2009-03-30T19:34:00.004-05:00

Everyone knows that the economy is in the crapper right now. Jobs are being lost by the thousands, more and more people cannot pay their bills, and those who used to think they were in secure jobs are starting to sweat. All hell has broken loose on the financial front. It is just not good.
So far our family has been extremely fortunate, thank God. While we have had steady work so far we are realistic. We know that it could end because right now, anything is possible.
Today I decided that I wanted to go shopping just to go shopping. I know that Kyle is quickly growing out of, well, everything and that I am picky about clothes. Because of that, it is best to shop early in anticipation of him outgrowing things. I also wanted to look for a few things for myself.
So I loaded Kyle into the car and we set out on our journey. We looked at some things from Old Navy, some from The Children's Place, some really cute Levi's, and some things from boutiques that I have never even heard of. Some things were cute, some looked a little cheesy, some were just to die for!
However, I did not actually GO to Old Navy, or The Children's Place, or any boutiques. I went to a thrift store. Yes, a thrift store. At this time in our lives we actually COULD go to those places and spend $15+ on any given shirt and more for pants/shorts. Honestly though, Kyle grows out of things so quickly, what is the point? And I am so hard on clothes (stains, holes, etc) that I feel guilty when I ruin a shirt I got at Wal*mart, so I cannot imagine how guilty I would feel if I had gotten a new shirt from somewhere expensive.
Yes sirree, I am a bargain shopper. I cannot bring myself to spend more money on clothing than I need to, and when there are perfectly good clothes at thrift stores still in great shape that have a lot of wear left in them, I feel like I am being extremely wasteful buying clothes somewhere else. My job is to save this family money whenever I can. That means home cooked meals instead of eating out, fixing rips in pants a few times before throwing them out, and cutting costs for food and other things we need. I will, on occasion, buy clothing at full price. At Wal*mart. I figure $8 for a brand new shirt is not bad. But I don't do that often. I feel really good when I go to a thrift store and can get a cute shirt or a great pair of pants for $2-3, even less if that color tag is 1/2 off that day. Super score!
So anyway, all of Kyle's pants and shirts in 18 month sizes are used. Someone else's castoffs. And to be honest, most looks unworn. I have found 2 pairs of pants that still had the tags on them. 1 pair were Faded Glory ($2 used, probably at least $10-12 new) and 1 pair were from The Children's Place ($2.50 used, at least $15 new). Just with those two pairs of pants I saved our family a minimum of $20 so that means that I 'made' $20 at my job today! Yay for me!
If you are smart you will take my advice- buy used when it will do. Or take the Duggar's advice and "buy used and save the difference." Either way, your long-term financial goals will thank you!

*NOTE* All the pictures of Kyle looking super duper cute in this post contain USED, SECOND HAND clothes. Can you tell? Didn't think so!

Oh Gracious

2009-03-27T21:59:00.002-05:00

My poor boy is so miserable with his molars coming in. He is so crabby and unlike his normal, happy, giddy self. I miss my baby! Sometimes he comes back, once the Tylenol and baby orajel kicks in. Poor baby...
Poor Mama! I have been listening to crying, screaming baby for days and I will be the first to say it is grating on my last raw nerve. I am so thankful that Larabee has ALL weekend off this week and I will get a bit of a break from the monster that has taken over my son. Or at least help wrangling that monster LOL.

Ears, Nose, Toes, Piggies

2009-03-06T11:27:00.002-06:00

You are thinking right now, what do these things have in common?
Well, I will tell you.
Kyle can show you where all of these things are on himself and on others! I am so proud! Especially about the ears since he cannot see his own but he still knows they are there. Also, being able to show you his toes AND his piggies is big too because they are the same thing. He understands that things can have more than one name. Yay for my big boy! I am such a proud mama right now!

Juno- Such a great ending!

2009-02-26T22:19:00.002-06:00

I finally joined the real world and watched Juno. I know I am behind, but give me a break. It was a witty movie, and even got Larabee laughing. The best part, by far, was the ending. I cried buckets. I could feel the very raw feeling you experience when you hold your baby for the first time, and I think that is impressive for a movie to be able to make me feel that way. Very very touching!

Darn Molars

2009-02-25T23:04:00.002-06:00

My poor baby. These molars are just kicking his little butt. Load up on the Tylenol Mom! I feel so badly for him, especially before the Tylenol kicks in. I think they are hurting so badly at times that he cannot suck on his sippy cups. I am going to try to time his Tylenol intake better tomorrow so that he will have as little pain as humanly possible when he eats. A child cannot survive on raisins and fruit snacks alone!

Real life, good people

2009-02-25T22:40:00.005-06:00

I love life. I love reality. I love nearly everything about, well, everything. There are, however, things that annoy me.
I am annoyed that I find it hard to accept the fact that there will always be someone out there who does not like me. I know that seems strange, but to me it matters. I am a Leo, constantly seeking approval, desperately wanting people to like me. I am likewise annoyed that I find it hard to admit that there are people out there I just do not like. Plain and simple, I am not required to like everyone I meet just like they do not have to like me. Why is that so hard for me to get? What is it about that concept that escapes me?
I am annoyed when, after giving many people the benefit of the doubt numerous times, I still get burned. I know that not everyone is going to live up to all expectations people have of them, myself included. I do, however, believe in constructive criticism. I believe that if people can dish it out they should be able to take it. I wish that more people would give me constructive criticism because I know I am not perfect and that I have a ton of room for improvement. Sometimes it is hard to improve if you do not know what you need to work on, and I invite a third party to let me know the areas in which I need to grow.
As annoyed as I can get, I am also heartbreakingly thankful for the wonderful life I have. I just have a few beefs, ya know!